I Want You : Interlude

~ Zineb's Interlude ~

"Quit playing with me Zineb, give me my money before I kill you." He whispered in my ear in a icy tone as he chocked me. I was on the floor shaking and he squatted to my level.

"I don't have it Amir, I don't . I gave you everything he  sent to me  everything." 

He darkly chukled and slapped me accross the face, the say at some point you don't feel the pain anymore but trust me that's not true. The pain is still as intense at the first time it happened 6 years ago. I didn't flinch though. I can't let him know he's hurting me. That might be the reason why he keeps hitting till he sees blood, he used to beat till I as cryinv tothe point I couldn't breath, now I don't cry nomore so he hits till he sees blood.

"You think I'm as stupid as him ? Huh ?! I ain't like him, little bitch. Now I know you went to see that nigga about a month ago and knowing you hoe, you wen there to exort money from him an what I want right now is you to give me that money he gave you." He pulled my hair to get me off the ground.

"He didn't give me a cent, I swear. The only thing I got from him was the check I gave you yesterday ." I answered trying to seem calm but my shaking voice betrayed me.

"Look at you shaking like a leaf." He pined me against the wall my hair was still in his hand and his other hand was to my neck. " I know tgat pussy ass nigga gave you some money but I ain't got time to deal with your stupid ass, I got a check to cash." He said before letting go of me without warning and my body collapsed to the ground he then kiked me numerous times before leaving the bedroom. He re-entered the room seconds later and kiked me again.

"And you be gone before I come back."  He kiked me again. "If I find you in my house when I come back, you're dead hoe."

I waited for him to leave the house before getting off the ground and limping my way to the ensuite bathroom  where I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my face, I guess today's a good day, except from a scratch on my forehead, there's no bruise on my face, that on't be hard to hide, and I'm not even bleeding. I took my clothes off and insepcted my body, to see the numerous bruises there was, nothing too bad. I got in the shower and washed my body as I do everytime he hits me. When I was done I got out of the shower and put my clothes on, I put some make up on to hide my fresh bruise and the others that were there before , I looked at the time, shit I have to go, I pulled my wet hair out f the bun and ran down the stairs and ran out the house.


I had to run coming out of the subway entrance in order to catch my bus, I found a seat and sat down, I then took my phone out and dialed the number, it was my only solution right now, when Amir says "don't be here when I come by", it means exactly don't be here when I come back, he'll pobably callme in a week when he needs me, usually I'd go to Kevin's but since I quit my 'job' at the club he doesn't want to hear from me anymore. I was bout to call but I chickened out and put my phone back in my purse, I couldn't bing myself to call, I guess I'll just surprise them, I know I'm not welcome there, if I call, they won't open their door, I'll just go there unexpected.


I got out the bus and had to run again, I'm tied of running and shit but since Amir took my car I don't have no choice.
I got in the building and went to the reception.

"Good afternoon, may I help you ?"

"Good afternoon, hum yes, I'm here for a job interview, I.."

"Yes, Mr. Morison is waiting for you in his office. It's on the fifth floor to your left, I'll le his assistant know you're on your way."

"Alright thank you." I smiled and her and thanked her before making my way towards the bank of elevators, once in the elvator I looked at my reflexion in  the glass and tried to do something with my damp hair in order to look somewhat presentable, I brushed the imaginary dust off my clothes. For the first time of my life I was really anxious,  I needed this job it was my only chance to save some enough money to get away from Amir . I quit my 'job' at the club a week ago, I want a new life, I want to start anew, I can't live like that anymore, this is selfdestruction. 

The elevator doors opened and I walked out and turned to my left and walked towards the desk which a woman probably Mr. Morison's assistant was standing behind. I took a deep breath this is my only chance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was about to knock on the door but once again I chickened out and started walking away, after he way Amir treated me earlier I couldn't take rejection from someone I loved again, I'll just go back to Kevin's and apologize for leaving, he'll take me back, I'll just stay there until I get that job, that's if I get it.
As I walked away, teas started streaming down my cheeks and for the first time I didn't even try to control them, I was too tired for that, each and every part of my body hurt, I felt like I was about to collapse, I stopped walking and leaned on the gate, as I tried to collect my emotions, but it was no use, I think I just reached my breaking point, I've been hanging on for too damn long, alll these years, I've endured the abuse, taken the blows but who's fault is it ? It's my on fault I brought this on myself the day I cheated on Aubrey, and here I am more than six years later still paying for my mistakes,when I left Aubrey the first time, I left everything I had behind, I lost everything my family, my friends, I lost myself but at least that time around I had something to hold on to, I had my kids to love and they loved me right back, but with the life Amir put me through I couldn't keep them, besides, I ain't gonna lie , I loved them with all my heart but, I was an unfit mother, I wasn't ready at the time and I still ain't reay today, had I keep them with ùe they'd be dead today or I don't know whee,not trying to give myself the good role, I know what I did was wong but at least they are with their father, they don't lack anything , and certainly not love with a father like theirs, I would never be able to give them half what he gives to them so I left might seem extra selfish but I didn't want to be a failure, well moe what I already am. I think I regret he way I did things but not what I did.
I was about to stand back straight and walk away when I saw a pair of stillettos facing my own shoes and felt a hand on top of mine.

"N-n- Nebby ? Is that you ?" She stuttered. I rose my head and looke up in her dark brown eyes.

"Kenza" I let out sobbing as she took me in her arms.She held me in her arms as I heard her cry, a moment later she released me from her embrace and held my hands in hers .

"You came back." She shook her head, I stood still, I didn"t know what to do or say.

"Come on, let's go inside." She walked us past the gate and into the house, I followed behind her completely stunned, I never ever thought she would welcome me like that after the way I left, she was so mad at me, I never thought she would forgive me.
We walked in and she sat on the couch and I sat next to her and observed her face, there was a single tear rolling down her cheek and she as smiling from ear to ear.

"I' m so happy to see you sis."

"Really ? You are ?"

"Of course I am. I was worried sick , not one day pased where I didn't think about you, where you were, what you were up to... I even believe you were dead at one point." She said the last part in a solemn tone and bowed her head down.

"I'm sorry, I never wanted you to feel like that, I never wanted none of this for the matter." I chuckled.

"Where have you been Zineb, with who ?"

"I was right here? Kenz, I "live" in New Jersey." I said drawing air quotes around the word live.

"New Jersey ? And I havn't seen you in 3 years ? And wat do you mean 'live' " She imitated me.

"4 years, it's been 4 years." I corrected. "I mean, I don't live there no more, well for right now.." I sighed trying to explain the situation to her.

"How, I don't get what you're saying Neb."

"Nothing leave it alone."

"OK, Are you still with Amir." My sister asked in an angry and disgusted tone, there is no words to describe how much she hates the man.

"Humm, Yeah, yes Amir and I are still together." She straightened up and made a face before talking.

"Nebby I don't want to argue on our reunion but, why ? He is the reason why every single thing that happened to you happened, he turned you into the person who left 4 years ago, how could you stay with him ?"

"He's changed, he became a beeter person and I changed too ."

"Again I'm not trying to get in a'ny argument with you sis but 'he's changed' numerous times before and it wouldn't last. I.."

"Kenza stop, I told we're good, look at me do I look unhappy to you ?"

"No one can never know with you, you never show any emotion back then if I didn't konw any better looki'g at you I'd have thought you were happy."

"Well I am."

"If you say so. Anyways what have you been up to ? Why you didn't come back earlier ?"

"If I'm being honest I was up to no good kenz, It took me all that time to realise tha I needed to change. Then I started working on myself, I still am that's why I didn't come  back, I wanted to be a better person and work on my mani issues before ."

"I understand." After she talked the room got quiet, as I started looking around at my surroudings, nothing in here had changed, I mean she had redocorated and there was new furniture and stufg but it felt the same, I remember coming here everytime Amir put hands on me and before that everytime Aubrey and I got into it, when we had our falling out. Through everything I knew I had my sister right next to me and she'd confort without even knowing something was going on hiding my emotions is my thing.She'd confort just by being right there.

As I looked around my eyes fell on a framed picture of a little boy, he was tan, had grey eyes and wild curls, looked like he was around 6or7 not older.

"Is this Kahil ?" I asked getting up and walkin over to the frame. She got up to and followed my tracks. 

"Yes, that's my baby boy, and this is his little brother Kayan." She pointed a picture of a younger little boy who looked exactly like Kahil, it was just a younger version.

"Wow, it's amazing how he's grown, and you had another baby, congratulations, he looks exactly like is brother."

"My babies are handsome right ?" She smiled at me and I smiled back at her. Looking around at the other picture that ecorated the house, there was a few other pictures of Kahil and Kayan, family pictures, pictures of Kenza's wedding, the I noticed a picture that caught my eyes, I observed it and felt yet another tear rolling down my cheek. God, I've cried more today than I have in five years, this is too much, I walked ovr to the picture and I couldn't help but bring my fingers to the frame, I picked it up and observed their faces with tears running down my cheeks. I felt kenza's arms wrap around my body as she hugged me from behind.

"They are so beautiful." I cried out.

"That they are, and they're smart, and funny, they're so precious." Kenza spoke.

"They look so happy." I smiled.

"They are happy, Zineb they are."

"When did you take that picture ?" I asked turning around.

"At their birthday party, a few months ago , you know how Drake never does things by halves. There was..."

"Can I have it." I cut her off pointing to the picture and she gave me a warm smile.

"Sure. Erm, Neb can I ask you someething ?"

"Of course. Go ahead."

"How ? How could you abandon your kids like that ? I mean as amother, I can't imagine doing such a thing. Why did you do that, I know it wasn't because you wanted to have fun as you said, I know it because I am a mother, and I know for a mother wouldn't abandon her children for trivial stuff like partying, they can say what ever they want about, that you're a whore, that you're wicked and an unfit mother, but I know just how much you loved them, and I can tell you miss them so why ?"

"How much I love them." I corrected her. "And the person I used to be found pertying and living thatfast life I used to live way more attractive than being a mother, I wasn't ready and I didn't care, that's it."

"I don't believe that Neb."

"Well, that's the truth, and now I gotta pay for this every single second of my life. But I'm done with that life and I want to be happy again you know, I want to have a home, a man who loves me and mostly have my children back."

"I'll keep it a hundred sis. If the reasons you are giving me right now are the real reasons why you left then you have no right to come back and turn the kids and Drake's lives upside down like that, you've left for selfish reasons, he learned that he was a father 2 years after you broke his hopes and he had to deal with it and learn ow to be father on the job and Zahir and Zahirah, they grew up without a mother, they don't even remember you Zineb , you cannot come back and do that to them, it would shatter their world, they're finally happy."

"How can you say that Zenza, I know what I did was wrong, I know but they still are my children and I have the right to try and have them back."

"You mean to tell me that you want to take them from him ? You are so sel.."

"That's not how I meant it, I just want a relationship with them, I don't want to take them from him I don't want to make my own children unhappy, I told I've changed, I am not selfish."

She walked over to me an held me close to her.

"Now, can I ask you something too ?"

"Ask away ?"

"How are they ? I mean what do they like ? Do they practise any sport, I don't know whatever, I wanna know everything."

"Hum, ok , well Zahir, he loves cars, every type of cars, real cars, toys averything that has to do with cars, he loves it, he also loves basketball, he is real smart and stubborn, he's really outspoken and he loves people, and he loves hugs and being held. Zahirah on the other hand is really shy, she doesn't warm up to people easily, she's changing though, I mean she's becoming more and more outspoken and sociable if I can say, and there's one thing about her also she doesn't take shit." We both laughed "She also loves music, she's always loved music, she has that mini keyboard and she just plays all day and since Nicki moved in she started singing she has a gret voice, and she's only 5. she's amazing."

"Nicki ? Who's Nicki ? And why did she move in ?"

"She's their nanny, I had to stop watching them since I got back to work so he hired a nanny, oh and also she's Drake's girlfriend."

"What ? You mean the help is Drake's girlfriend ?"

"She's way more than the 'help', he hired her as a nanny, and she moved in because he needed a live in and I guess they happened to fall in love along the way."

"Seems like that girl's a whore to me, you mean she's screwing her boss, who just happens to be a freaking super star ."

"She's not like that Neb , I know how it sounds but she's just not like that, she's a goo person and the kids love her."

"Do they ?" She nodded.

"You can't be mad, they're all happy, they deserve it."

"I just want to have a chance."


That's it I just want to have a chance, a chance at being happy, and I'll do whatever I have to do to to have and I need to do it quick because it seems like it's slowly getting away and I'm going crazy ...