Not So Different Part 11

It was dark outside when Nicki made it home, she walked in the house and made her way to the living room where she found Ciara laying down on the carpet with her face in her sociology book while Beyoncé was on the couch flipping through channels. She walked to the couch and plopped on it with a deep sigh. Beyoncé and Ciara got up from their positions and went to seat down on each side of their friend, at their gesture Nicki smiled happy that her father had forced her to ask them to come live with her for the time being. She was glad they were there to support her.


I Want You Part 13

It was quite late when Drake pulled in the driveway, he parked the car properly and looked at the twins in the back of the car. Both of them were fast asleep. Drake couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips as he saw them, of course he had to snap a picture before he unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car after he had cut the engine. He went to the back of the car and opened the door to the car, he picked up Zahirah first and luckily enough for him, her brother woke up at the shifting caused.

"Are we home yet ?" Zahir asked rubbing his eyes. 

Deal part 10

Nicki's P.O.V

It was half past seven when my alarm went off. I woke up and stretched, looking around me I realised I wasn't in our room and last night's events replayed in my mind making me both angry and sad again. I grabbed my phone and checked my messages and social networks, there was nothing interesting there so I texted the girls to see if we could try and make lunch today, I had to fill them in on what happened yesterday. Once that was done, I got up from the bed and made my way to the ensuite bathroom and started getting ready, last night I had made sure to get everything I needed for today, to avoid having to face Aubrey.


For Better Or Worse 2/3

Drake woke up that day to the sound of loud music echoing through the house. He recognized Rihanna's song Cheers and knew it couldn't be his mother, she wasn't the type to listen to loud music like that and wasn't too fond of that kind of music. Nicki on the other end was, that song was one of her favorites and she used to listen to it all the time mostly whenever she was happy.
Drake rubbed his eyes and sighed before rolling out of bed and making his way to the door grabbing his robe on the way.
Drake descended the stairs and followed the sound of the music which lead him to the kitchen where he found Nicki who was making breakfast while dancing and singing along to the music.
It made him smile to see her glowing with happiness like that and it also reminded him of old times when they had just gotten married and moved in. On each and every Sunday for at least a year she would wake up early and turn the music at full blast before starting on cleaning the house and then she'd cook breakfast for the both of them meanwhile he just slept in or more like tried to sleep in with his earplugs. He'd always complain about that habit of hers but right then it just made him happy. He stood there observing her, just admiring her reminiscing, his mind going back to those moments that he could say were the best of his life.

"Uggh!! That damn music again!" Drake grumbled to himself before sitting up on the bed and stretching. He stuffed his feet in his slippers and stretched again before getting up. He walked to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face before brushing his teeth. After that he made his way downstairs to the kitchen where he knew he would find Nicki. When he got there he found her on a stepladder trying to reach the jars that were on a shelf that was clearly too high for her to reach. He chuckled to himself as he watched her struggling to get the jar, he could tell she'd never reach it without causing a catastrophe but he knew she wouldn't give up either that's how she was. He shook his head at her and walked up to her level, he stood behind her and placed a hand on the small of her back startling her, which caused her to almost fall of her stepladder but he was there to catch her and while preventing her from falling he effortlessly reached for the jar she had been trying to reach and got it from the shelf. He set Nicki on her own two foot and handed her the jar before quickly pecking her lips and walking away.

"Show off." Nicki mumbled trying to hide how she really felt as much as possible, truth was that right then she was amazed, she looked at him just like a teenage girl would look at their crush. She admired him.

"Me show off ?" Drake asked turning around to look at her as he stopped the loud music that was starting to get on his nerves.

"Yes you." Nicki answered walking towards him only to stand between his legs as he had taken a seat on the breakfast bar.

"You are a show off... Oh look at my muscles, oh I'm so tall and strong and handsome." Nicki spoke in a big voice showing off her biceps. 

"That's you." She said with a shrug and Drake burst out laughing and wrapped his arms around his wife's tiny body bringing her closer to him.

"Baby girl, I don't sound like that at all." Drake spoke through his laughter, releasing Nicki from the hug.

"Yes you do." She said hitting his chest before walking away from him and making her way towards the hi-fi system, she was about to turn the music back on she heard Drake's baritone voice behind her back.

"Don't do that." He ordered and Nicki turned around to look at him cocking one hip to the side.

"What was that ?" She asked raising a brow.

"I said, don't do that. What did we say about the music on Sunday mornings Nika ?" Drake asked walking towards his wife and wrapping his arms around her as soon as he reached her level.

"I know what we said about it but I can't clean up without music Aubrey. And I'm sure you don't want to live in a messy and unclean house." Nicki spoke wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his chest.

"Ever heard of headphones ?" Drake joked and Nicki made a face at him.

"Ever heard of earplugs ?" She answered.

"Touché." Was Drake's only answer.

"And if I'm bothering you that much with my music you can still get up and we can clean up together." Nicki suggested and Drake looked at her like she had lost her mind.

"You are the only person who likes to get up at 7 on Sunday mornings to clean up Nika." Drake spoke and again Nicki got out of his embrace before she hit his chest and chuckled.

"Whatever fool, anyways since you're up now you can help me." Nicki said giving him an angelic smile. 

"Or ... We could occupy our time in a much funnier way." Drake said in sultry tone just above a whisper getting closer to Nicki who took a step back for every step he took forward in her direction. Nicki stepped back until her back hit a wall.

"Aubrey we don't have time for that." Nicki was able to let out before Drake's lips crashed on top of hers. His hands started softly rummaging her body as they shared a passionate kiss.

"Yes we do, we got the whole day for that." Drake spoke as their lips detached from one an other's only for his to attack her neck.

"No, I'm not done here and the grass need to be cut, and the groce..." Nicki spoke trying to show some resistance but the words coming out of her mouth where soon replaced by moans.

"Here let me give you a foretaste. We just need to get rid of those." Drake spoke with his face still hidden in the crook of her neck before reaching under the oversized shirt Nicki was wearing. Two of his fingers slipped under her panties, they tugged on them, only to rip them off her body seconds later causing Nicki to gasp. Once the panties out of his way Drake got his fingers back between Nicki's legs and started playing with her, observing the faces she made. The way her face was twisted with pleasure was a delightful sight to him. He roughly pushed  his lips against hers and Nicki's hands flew to his head as she pulled his head closer deepening the kiss. Once air became scarce, they pulled away from the kiss and Drake brought his fingers up to Nicki's mouth and slowly slid them in her mouth before bringing his lips back on top of hers so that he could taste her as well.

"I got a feeling I convinced you." Drake spoke in Nicki's ear causing her to quiver and wrap her arms and legs around him.

"You've got half of my day." She spoke as he picked her up from the floor and walked them towards the stairs.

"Yea right." Drake spoke before catching her lips again to stop her from responding which would have been useless, they both knew he had way more than the half of her day.

Drake stood behind the bar watching her as she didn't even realised someone was there until she turned around and saw him standing there.

"Morning sleepy head." She shouted over the music before going to turn it off.

"Morning beautiful."  He answered taking a seat at the breakfast bar. He still didn't know which Onika he was dealing with that morning. Was it his Onika, the one who at least remembered him being her best friend or was it the childish one who didn't know him at all. He had no idea so he simply waited for her to say something so that he'd know.

"I'm sorry did I wake you up ?"She asked him while fixing a plate.

"It's ok, I had to wake up anyways." Drake responded still unaware of who he was talking to.

"Good. I made breakfast." Nicki said turning around with a plate.

"I'm not quite sure but I think I remembered you like a western omelet and turkey sausages for breakfast so here you go !" She said sliding the plate across the bar. Now Drake knew it was his best  friend he was dealing with which felt like a relief and also he was overjoyed by the fact the she remembered what his favorite breakfast was. It might be a detail but under the circumstances it meant so much.

"That's my favorite." Drake said and out of habit he leaned over the bar puckering his lips towards a smiling Nicki who happily gave him her cheek unknowingly disappointing him.

"Is it really ? Or are you just saying this to be nice ?" Nicki asked him crossing her arms over her chest.

"I swear it is. Why would I lie to you ?" Drake answered his mouth full.

"In that case it's the second thing I remembered since I got up !" Nicki cheered and Drake rose his hand for a high five.

"That's great. What else did you remember ?"

"I remember that I finally got enough money to buy that damn Mercedes I wanted and bought it about a year ago only to crash it in that accident of course." Nicki shrugged and Drake looked up at her.

"You remember buying the car ?" He asked shocked. Shocked because that day when they went to get the car, he had let her think that she was buying it for herself but when they got there he surprised her by buying it for her. So if she remembered buying the car it'd mean maybe she remembered being with him

"Not really ." Nicki sighed disappointing both herself and Drake. "I just remember driving it to work like I got a flashback type of thing earlier." Nicki explained.

It had been a week since she got out of the hospital and she was obviously getting better mentally. She still had moment when she'd act childish and do stupid stuff but they were less frequent. It was only when she'd have a flashback and stress too much about it trying to remember too much stuff. Her breakdowns happened less often. While at the hospital it was at the very least three times a day but it had been four days since neither of these things happened.

"It's something at least. You're doing great." Drake encouraged Nicki who smiled in return.

"So . What are you going to do today ?" Nicki asked taking a seat next to him and starting on her own food.

"As you know I'm off today so nothing much." Drake answered with a shrug.

"That's great that way we can go get groceries, your fridge is empty Aubrey, I don't know how many times I've told you about that, you can't have your fridge empty all the time like that." Nicki told him and Drake chuckled at that, before they got married or even got together, whenever she'd be over at his old house Nicki would complain about the fact that the house was never clean and that he never did the groceries so she'd end up cleaning and shopping for him and then they moved in together and of course she was the one taking care of it and that's how it had been since then and then the accident happened and in two months Drake spent most of his time at the hospital and never ate at home, he'd always eat out so the groceries were the very last thing on his mind.

"I know, I know, but before that remember you have an appointment you need to get to." Drake reminded and Nicki pouted.

"Noooo ! Brey, I don't want to." Nicki sighed.

"I know, but you have to, it's necessary Nika." Drake reminded and Nicki was still pouting.

"I don't want to go talk to no shrink Brey, can you even imagine me sitting down and exposing all my emotions to that lady ?" Nicki asked Drake cocking her head to the side.

"You have to do it Nika, you know you do, but after that we can do whatever you want to alright ?" Drake said and Nicki nodded, she knew she needed to go through therapy, no matter how much she hated it. After such a traumatic experience, it was necessary.


"How are you feeling today ?" Dr. Miller asked Nicki. Dr. Miller was Nicki's psychiatrist. Therapy was one of the conditions Nicki had been released from the hospital under. It was the first time Nicki saw her since she got out of the hospital but while at the hospital she saw her every week so they knew each other already.

"I'm pretty good." Nicki answered. Looking away. That's how all of their session started, Nicki wasn't the type to just let it go and confide into people, let alone strangers so it always took Dr. Miller quite some effort to get something out of her. 

"I'm glad to hear it, have you been writing this week ?" The doctor asked. Before she got out of the hospital  Nicki was asked to start writing down every emotions she went through since the moment she got home. 

"Not really no." Nicki answered and Dr Miller sighed. 

"Why is that ?" She asked and it was Nicki's turn to sigh. She just wanted to get out of there and didn't want to answer that question but she figured it was the only way she'd be able to put this behind her.

"Well, because it would all come down to one sentence." Nicki shrugged.

"What would that sentence be ?" Dr. Miller asked Nicki who looked up at her.

"I'm lost, that would be it, I'm just lost, there's nothing more to say."

"It is perfectly normal to feel lost at that point Onika, it would be odd if you weren't feeling lost." Dr. Miller said smiling at Nicki trying to reassure her.

"That's what I try to tell myself but it doesn't help much." Nicki expressed.

"Do you think we can try to put this feeling aside and get to what's underneath that feeling." Dr. Miller asked and Nicki nodded.

"We can try, I guess." Did she want to ? Not at all but she had to spend the whole hour there no matter if she was talking or staying silent so might as well make the most out of this time.

"Great. So tell me about your social life since you left the hospital. Have you seen friends of yours ? Your family ? People you knew before the accident in general ?"

"Not really no, Aubrey and Mama Sandi are the only people I saw . I probably don't remember anyone I met during the five past years I don't want to be face to face with strangers that know everything about me. And I haven't seen Lauren and Candi since I left the hospital. I don't want to see anyone I don't like the way they look at me and it's frustrating when they bring up things I don't remember. Aubrey never does that."

"What about Aubrey then ? Tell me about him." Dr. Miller asked, she knew about the situation, she knew Drake was Nicki's husband and knew Nicki didn't know that.

"Do you feel lost around him ?"

"Yes and no." Nicki hesitated. "He is my comfort zone right now, just like he's always been, but at the same time it's all confusing, I feel like there is something I am missing." Nicki shrugged.

"That's interesting. Why do you feel that way ?" Dr. Miller inquired. 

"I really don't know. There are just things that have changed between us. He is the same person without being the same person. It's different but at the same time it's not. I don't know I guess it's just because he's five years older in his head and in mine or maybe something happened during those five years. I can't say what it is." Nicki explained expressing how she felt for the first time. Since the accident she had been feeling that way but never said anything. Drake was her comfort zone even if at some moments she felt like their relationship wasn't how it used to be she was afraid to lose her only landmark if you could say that. Even though he confused her sometimes, Drake's presence by her side was the only thing that kept her stable and she knew it.

"Does he know that this is how you feel ?" Dr.Miller asked and Nicki shook her head no in answer.

"Why is that ?"

"If I tell him such things, it might hurt his feelings and it's the last thing I want. Besides I don't know how to say this to him, as I said I don't even get how I feel myself so I need to figure it all out before I even mention this to him. " Nicki said looking down at her nails.

Dr. Miller sighed, she wanted to dig a little deeper thinking it might help Nicki to remember but she knew Nicki and knew it was a categorical no. For the first time they were having a pretty good session and Dr. Miller knew that if she pushed too much Nicki would simply shut her out again and wouldn't speak for the rest of the session or she might even go into a delirium and go back to her childish ways so she decided to just move on and change the subject.

"You're right, you can take all the time you need." She reassured before asking yet another question.

For the rest of the session Dr. Miller had Nicki speaking about her emotions, trying to get to the bottom of the situation taking advantage of the fact that Nicki was open.
At the end of the session Nicki said goodbye to her doctor before making her way back in the waiting room where she was supposed to wait for Drake who was coming to pick her up but was surprised to see that he was already there.

"Hey you !" Nicki spoke to Drake who got up when he saw her walk towards him.

"Hey !" He answered hugging her.

"So how did it go ?"

"Not so bad, I guess it wasn't that big of a deal." Nicki answered.

"What did I tell you." Drake said before there was a silence between them.

"Erm mind if I go speak to the doc real quick ? You can go wait in the car. " Drake asked Nicki handing her the keys to his car. Nicki figured he was going to schedule her next appointment or see about her prescription or the bill since he was the one who took care of all those things for her so she nodded and grabbed the keys before making her way towards the door. Drake watched her leave before knocking on the door to Dr. Miller's office. 
He opened the door and walked in after she had asked him to.

"Good morning Dr." Drake said shaking the middle aged woman's hand.

"Good morning Mr. Graham, what can I do for you ?" She asked taking a seat at her desk and motioning for Drake to take a seat too.

"Well, I have a question I need to ask you before I do anything stupid." Drake started. 
"I've been wanting to tell Onika about us. Like tell her the truth about us being married. I don't want to lie to her anymore. I spend my time doing so plus it's starting to be real hard, she wants to start doing things by herself, she wants to sort her own paperwork, pay her hospital bills and all, problem is it's all destined to Mrs. Graham. There's no way I can keep it a secret any longer. But I don't want to do anything that can jeopardize her recovery." Drake explained the situation he was in to the psychiatrist.

"Well, after today's session I can definitely tell that your wife does need answers,  right now seems like a good time to tell her, but you have to be careful about the way you do it. She has done good progress and this could be a shock to her. " The woman explained to Drake making him wonder about the consequences him revealing the truth could have on his wife's well being.

"And what could happen if she's too shocked, is she going to have another one of her deliriums ?" Drake asked and the woman sighed.

"Well as you may have noticed her reactions are unpredictable, it is definitely a possibility that she has a delirium just until the info sinks in but that is just one of the possibilities, she could take it in a worse way and completely shut herself to anything and stop making progress as a defensive mechanism to avoid any other shock, she could also start showing signs of depression or start having harsh feelings towards her own self. A marriage and children are the two things persons in your wife's case do not forgive themselves for not remembering. I know this sounds very  disturbing but those are the worst cases they are extremes, she could also take it well and move on. I was just listing possibilities to which you have to add the other personal / sentimental consequences for the both of you guys." Dr. Miller explained she was obviously feeling sorry for Drake who sat there defeated.

"I see ... Last question, is there a chance those possibilities lessen if I wait a bit longer to let her know ?" Drake asked.

"Well it could be. Depends on how her mental state evolves but she's doing pretty good so these extreme possibilities are probably not going to apply."

"I see." Drake answered looking down at his own hands. He knew these were just the extreme possibilities just like the doctor was saying but was he really going to take the risk, they might have been just hypothesis, there was still a possibility that they happen to apply to their situation after all how many chances was there that Nicki would get in a car crash and end up loosing her memory ?

"And last thing. No matter when it happens, it's best if you tell her or if she remembers on her own. You should definitely avoid external sources. You could lose her trust and we both know how much she needs you." Dr. Miller spoke with a sympathetic smile. Her last words warmed Drake's hurt. He was the reason Nicki was doing so good, he took care of her alone ever since the accident, even when he was at his lowest himself he still was taking care of her all alone, Nicki's well being depended on him but he never felt like he was important to the new Nicki. It's hard to feel important to someone when they can't even remember your name. That's why the doctor's last word made his smile.

"Thank you very much Dr." Drake said getting up and holding his hand out  for the doctor to shake.

"You are very welcome Mr. Graham." The woman said shaking Drake's hand. 

After saying goodbye Drake walked out of the room and of the building and made his way to his car where he found Nicki in the driver's seat. Her hands were firmly gripping the steering wheel, her face was tensed, she had tied her hair and her eyes screwed shut. Drake frowned at the sight wondering what was happening with her. He opened the door to the passenger side and got in the car and shut the door and even with all the noise he made Nicki didn't flinch and her eyes stayed closed.
Drake didn't know what to do. He sat there observing her and as he got a closer look he noticed the tears that were rolling down on her cheeks and that's when he started worrying.

"Onika ?!" Drake called nudging Nicki who jumped up and opened her eyes. She quickly let go of the steering wheel and her hands flew to her chest. Her eyes were wide open as she started panting. Drake didn't know what to do as he looked at her not even understanding what was happening.

"Onika ?! Are you ok ?!" He kept asking the same question and calling her name wanted to get at least a reaction but he got nothing. She was still heavily breathing when she burst out crying, the few tears that she was silently letting slide on her cheeks became a flow of tears that she couldn't seem to control. Instinctively, Drake wrapped his arms around her bringing her face to his chest, he rubbed her back, kissed her hair and softly repeated to her that everything was going to be ok and that he was right there. She was hiding her face in his chest and holding onto him so firmly. He couldn't see her face but he heard her breathing slowly getting back to normal, her crying cease and soon he could hear snores. Once he heard her snores and could feel that she was sound asleep Drake relaxed a little bit, he was very tensed during the whole thing, he really had no idea of what it could have been or meant. Was it simply another form of delirium, or did something happen while she was alone ? He didn't know which one he would want to be the right answer. After thinking for a while and calming himself down, as for a moment he felt like he was the one who was panting and crying and needed to rest, Drake decided it was time to get back home so he tried to get Nicki of him so that they could leave the parking lot and that's when it hit him, what was she even doing in the driver's sit ? It had been a hassle just to get her to step in a car again after the accident and she swore she'd never ever ever drive a car again, he knew her too well to believe that but knew she wasn't ready to drive yet. So it didn't really make sense for her to try now but at the same time it did, the old Nicki was the type to do something like that. At that point he didn't know what to think and figured the only way to know was to ask her later on, right then the only thing that mattered was to get them home. Drake was reaching for the handle to open the door and get out when he felt Nicki's head falling back on his shoulder. 

"Don't leave me."she let out grabbing his arm. 

"I'm not leaving you Nika, I'm right here ok ?!" He asked a sleeping Nicki who of course didn't give him any form of answer. Drake waited for a while not wanting to destabilize her by leaving the car, when he felt like it was the right time he settled her properly in the driver's seat and carefully got out of the car he ran to the driver's side and opened the door before picking Nicki up in his arms just like he would do all those times when she passed out during their drive back home from a party or a diner. After settling her in the passenger's seat and buckling her seat belt, Drake got into the car himself and buckled in before finally driving off. Once they got to the House, Drake had to park in the garage so that he could carry Nicki in the house without having to do it outside where everyone could see, he couldn't stand the look on the neighbour's face every time she saw Nicki. Since the accident he felt as if she looked at his wife as a freak, she'd ring at their door acting concerned, bringing pies and books, saying that she heard reading helped regaining memory, but Drake knew all she wanted was to see Nicki and see if it was as bad as people were saying or just like everyone else see if she remembered her. It seemed like it was the new game amongst their acquaintances, it all started at the hospital, every person that stepped in the room even those she met 20 years prior would ask the same question, ´ do you remember me ? ´ They'd ask with that extremely sweet tone, like they were speaking to a baby and they'd proceed to introduce themselves exposing each and every point of their lives talking ever so slowly it seemed like they were talking to a retarded person and they'd tell all the stories including Nicki that they could remember, like they were trying to convince her that they were important enough for her to remember them. It was nothing but a game though, a competition, people who she remembered would win and the others were loosers, Nicki wasn't stupid and played with it sometimes acting like she didn't remember people she remembered all too well. To Drake it was just hurtful to see, he hated how people looked at his wife and also the fact that people didn't even try to hide that curiosity was the only point of their visits. He knew just how bad she was feeling for being in that state and he didn't want people reminding her at every occasion and treating her like she was a freak because that's how it felt, it felt like they were coming to see a freak show and that neighbour had to be the worst of them all. Besides Nicki had always hated her and said that she was a hypocrite so Drake did his best to avoid her and avoid letting her get close to Nicki. She didn't remember her at all. His point here was to avoid performing another show for her he knew she'd grab her phone and call everybody she knew saying that Nicki had passed out or something like that. He carefully got Nicki out of the passenger's seat and went to lay her down on her bed, he put the covers on her body and turned around to get out of the room. He didn't shut the door all the way, he left it cracked open like one would do for a child and left. He descended the stairs and went to the kitchen it was almost lunch time and he knew Nicki would wake up soon, she never slept well when she was alone in her bedroom even at night, she'd always end up waking up very early only to go watch T.V or start cleaning up or if she woke up in the middle of the night then she'd end up sleeping in his bed. So he knew it wouldn't be long before she woke up from what he'd call a nap. He had to cook something to eat but just like she pointed out that morning the fridge was empty. It was the last straw for him. He felt like he was doing everything wrong and it was all going left, he hated that feeling of not controlling anything. Drake slammed the door to the fridge closed and kicked it out if frustration before grabbing his keys from the counter top, that's when he noticed his mother standing there in the doorway starring at him.

"Looks like someone is in a bad mood." She spoke slowly making her way to the fridge to go see what was wrong with it."

"Erm, yeah, sorry about that. It's just Nicki's asleep and the fridge is empty and I have to go run some errands so that we can have lunch, would you mind keeping an eye on her ?" Drake asked rubbing the top of his head feeling like he was asking too much of his mother, he felt like he had no right to ask her for anything after the way he lashed out on the day Nicki got back home. They never talked about it again, she never brought it up, never acted any way about it, it seemed like she had forgotten about it and was over it. She'd help as much as she could, was always there to lend a helping hand and that made Drake feel even worse. He never found the courage to bring it up too ashamed of himself.

"Aubrey there is more than enough in here for me to cook a meal for the three of us ok ?! You should calm down, all this tension isn't good for you or for Onika alright ?! Now you go lay down, you need a nap as much as she does. I'll fix something and you will take care of the groceries later when you calm down. Ok ?!" Sandi spoke firmly yet very softly as usual showing him that she was concerned and that she cared but that at the same time there was no negotiations he was to do as she said and that was it, she was in charge and he was ok with it because right then after the parking lot episode and everything he was tired of being in charge and felt like he was loosing it. 
Drake took a deep breath, he didn't know if it was relief, exhaustion, sadness, or anything else for that matter and went to take a seat in one of the stools. He brought his hands to his head and felt like letting go and cry in his hands but he didn't he had to be strong. He rubbed his hands over his head took another deep breath and got up from his stool. 

"I'm good ma. You go lay down, I can handle it." He spoke trying to suppress the shakiness if his voice.

"Boy, you are shaking for god's sake. Did you fly me out here so that I can lay down? I thought I supposed to help right?" Sandi asked and Drake shook his head yes. 

"Well then let me do that. I don't know what you want to prove to yourself Aubrey but it's not worth it. I know you can take care of her by yourself just fine, she knows she can rely on you, you are her rock. There's nothing more to prove. You need to take care of you just for a moment. Me helping you doesn't not mean that you are less capable ok ? Now go and get some rest. I don't know what happened but it's got you shaken and you can't stay like that. I'll take care of everything ok ?" She spoke softly looking up at him as his head was bowed down.  Drake shook his head at himself knowing his mother was right. He walked to her and wrapped his arms around her holding her close to him.

"Thank you ma. Thank you for everything." He spoke just above a whisper. 

"It's nothing you have to thank me for." Sandi spoke with a smile.

"You know I am sorry about last time, I didn't mean to lash out like that.. I was just.."

"being human." Sandi finished his sentence smiling at him as he had released her from the hug.

"No, ma don't say that as if my behaviour was normal, what I did wasn't ok, I had no reason to talk to you the way I did."

"You had plenty, you were exhausted, just like you are now. Let's just forget about this ok ? I'm not mad and I understand what you were going through alright, it's no big deal. Right now all I need you to do is go get some rest and let me handle everything alright ?" Sandi spoke looking at Drake who nodded.

"Ok, thank you again."

"Don't thank me, you know it's always a pleasure to help you guys out." Sandi answered brushing him off.

"Yeah, well I really don't know what I'd do without you." Drake said before going to kiss his mother's forehead.

"You'd be just fine even without me." She answered before hushing him out of the kitchen. 

Drake made his way up the stairs and before getting to the guest room where he was staying he made his way towards the master bedroom, he looked through the cracked open door and was surprised to see that Nicki wasn't laying on the bed anymore. He sighed before walking in the room and calling her name.  

"Onika ?!" He called for the second time as he started to get worried. 

"I'm right here !" He heard Nicki call back from the closet. Just by the tone of her voice when she answered Drake knew she had been crying so he hurried to the closet only to find her sitting down Indian style on the floor.

"What's wrong baby girl ? What are you doing on the floor ?" Drake asked with concern dripping from his tone.

"I don't know and I don't know." Nicki let out with no emotion looking down at the floor. At that Drake took a seat on the floor right next to her and gently pulled her closer to him. He held her tight and kissed the top of her head before speaking.

"You don't know or you don't want to tell me ?" Drake asked raising a brow and Nicki sighed.

"Well, I don't really want to bother you with all of that stuff." Nicki answered getting up from the floor and walking away from Drake who got up at his turn and followed behind her.

"Don't be stupid Onika, you know you're not bothering me. Now tell me what's going on ?"

"Well..." Nicki started before taking a seat on the bed.

"It's stupid but erm, I was just thinking about happened earlier in the car and I don't know it made me feel bad." She explained and Drake sat on the bed next to her, not really knowing what to say, he didn't even know what had actually happened in the car, yes he played a part in it but still he didn't know what it all meant. It all just happened without him even understanding what was going on.

"Feel bad why ? And may I ask you what actually happened in the car earlier, I didn't quite get it." Drake asked and Nicki sighed again, playing with her hands.

"While I was waiting for you in the car, I got the stupid idea to try and get behind the wheel again, thing is at the moment I grabbed the steering wheel I had a flashback, it was like I was reliving the car crash again, I saw everything, felt everything and it was just so scary and  yeah I freaked out that's it. But I'm good now, thank you. Thank you for earlier, for now and for everything else Aubrey." Nicki answered with a sigh and a half smile as she placed her hand over Drake's who smiled in return.

"It wasn't a stupid idea babygirl, you know it's normal for you to want to try driving again, but you shouldn't put yourself in such a state ok ?! We'll get you back behind the wheel again, I promise you that but we'll do it together, I'll be right next to you alright ?!" Drake asked and Nicki nodded looking down at their en laced hands.

"But Aubrey, what if I stay like this, what if I don't get back to my normal self ?! I can't ask of you to be there to hold my hand forever." Nicki spoke in a childlike tone still looking down at their hands, she sounded as if she was going to cry. Drake squeezed her hands a little to make her look up but she didn't so he placed his hand under her chin to make her look up. Nicki looked up in his eyes and smiled, that beautiful smile that caused Drake to smile as well. 

"First of all beautiful, you will get back to your own self eventually, this is just temporary. You just went through a traumatic experience and you are doing so good right now. You just need a little more time to adjust, we all need to make some adjustments and we'll be good. You're doing great Nika, I'm telling you. And of course I'll be there to hold your hand for ever isn't it the promise I made you all those years ago ?!" Drake asked but then he frowned remembering when he made her that promise, it was on their wedding night in the car, on their way to the airport.

"I can't believe we just got married Aubrey, I don't even realise right now." Nicki spoke grabbing Drake's hand as they sat in the back of the limo that were taking them to the airport, they were off to Turk and Caïcos for their honey moon.

"Me neither."  Drake answered looking at her, caught up in her beauty as he was every time he looked at her, she was simply mesmerizing to him.

"I think the craziest thing about it is that it took me all those years to realize that you are all I need to be happy, all those years you were right next to me and I took all of that time to realize you were the one for me." Nicki explained on the verge of tears. Drake smiled and brought his hand to her cheek to wipe off the tear that was rolling down her cheek.

"It doesn't matter how many years it took us to get here baby girl, looking forward we have so many more to spend together, we have twice as many years to spend together alright ? I just said it and I repeat it, I'll be right there to hold you and hold your hand until death do us part." Drake promised to Nicki who smiled softly and laid her head on his chest.

"I love you so much Aubrey." Nicki spoke slowly, her voice muffled by Drake's chest.

"Aubrey we were so young when you made that promise." Nicki laughed at him and Drake looked at her funny, there was no way she could remember that moment or could she ?

" I remember like it was yesterday, I was so sad about the idea of us going our separate ways for college." Nicki reminisced out loud and that's when Drake remembered as well, that day under that tree, she was so sad, he was almost willing to put a stop to all the formalities for him to get into the college he wanted just so that he could choose one closer to hers and make her happy again, but he knew he couldn't besides she was firmly against it.  That's why that day under that tree, he needed to reassure her on the fact that no matter how far they were from each other, he would still be there for her.

" I really don't want to be away from you Aubrey." Nicki spoke slowly and though he couldn't see her face Drake could tell she was pouting, he actually was glad not to be able to see her face because, he really couldn't stand facing that pout.

"I don't want to be away from you either." Drake spoke almost in a detached tone, but Nicki knew better, she knew that even though his tone made it sound like he didn't care, it was just his way of being strong for the both of them, and that was probably why he wouldn't look at her face, she knew it and she knew he cared, she knew he was probably as sad as she was.

"What am I going to do without you Brey ?" Nicki asked with a huge smile as she got up from the grass where she was laying and sat right next to him, they were both leaning on the tree now.

"Not much." Drake joked with a shrug trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"Very funny!" Nicki said pushing his arm away as he was trying to wrap it around her. 

"Seriously though, you know I don't know what I'd do without you either right ?!" Drake spoke still avoiding Nicki's glare and with that same monotone voice that didn't let any emotion show. But again Nicki didn't need him to show how he felt, she just knew, they connected on an other level.

"Trust me I know." Nicki joked in her turn before it all felt silent. They both sat there in the grass, their backs resting on the old tree, Nicki's fingers softly pulled the grass underneath them as a way to express her growing frustration as she couldn't seem to manage to let out the words she really wanted to speak. They were about to be separated either one moving to one hand side of the country and even the pain that was tearing her heart apart didn't give her enough courage to tell him that she was scared because not only she was going to be away from her bestfriend but also she was going to be away from who she had just recently realised was the love of her life, and he would never even know how she felt because she wasn't courageous enough to speak. 

"Nika ?!" Drake's deep voice was heard, getting her out of her thoughts.

"Brey ?!" Nicki called back, still neither one of them had moved and they were both still staring ahead of them avoiding to look at each other.

"No matter how far away I am from you, you'll still be my bestfriend and I'll always be there for you just as if I was holding your hand. I promise." Drake spoke for the first time since the beginning of their discussion he let his voice lace with emotion. Nicki didn't know if he was trying to reassure her or himself because this was something she already knew, she knew he wouldn't just forget about her just like she wouldn't forget about him, that's how strong their relationship was, even thousands of miles between them couldn't alter that.

After a moment in her own bubble, which Drake took notice of but didn't pick up knowing how hard her relations with her memory were and also because he was too busy reminiscing himself, Nicki snapped out of her bubble and smiled at Drake.

"How old were we? 18?" Nicki spoke trying to act as normal as possible and trying to erase the thought that had just crossed her mind, that was one of the biggest questions she had been asking herself since she had woken up. In that moment where she gave up on revealing her true feelings did she realise that she had mistaken her friendly feelings for romantic ones or did she make a decision that forced her to hide her feelings for ever ? She didn't know and those five missing years weren't helping did she ever speak on those feelings ? She didn't know.

"We were 17 about to turn 18, that's what we used to tell everyone who asked, remember how much it sucked to be born at the end of the year?" Drake reminded acting as if he hadn't noticed the way she had just seemed to be gone for a moment. Nicki laughed.

"Yeah, I hated being 17 when everyone had turned 18, the worst had to be when you turned 18, leaving me alone." Nicki spoke with a chuckle.

"But you know apart from that you never left me alone and never let go of my hand , so I guess I got to take you up on your offer and believe you when you repeat that promise right now." Nicki said with a heart warming smile. 

"Thanks for trusting me." Drake spoke and at that Nicki didn't answer, at least not with her words but her eyes said thank you and by a nod Drake answered to her thanks. 

"Now baby girl I need you to take a nap or at least get some rest." Drake said getting up, breaking eye contact with Nicki and he started catering to her the way he had done ever since she got out of the hospital. As he was laying her down on the bed, Nicki rose her head and hardly repressed a chuckle. 

"I'm fine Aubrey, I don't need to rest. I can't say the same thing about you though. You look super tired and you seem so tensed." Nicki spoke regaining her sitting position. 

"I'm just fine." Drake shrugged acting as if he didn't know what she was talking about when he knew how exhausted he was.

"Quit treating me like an idiot Aubrey, I can see just how tired you are. I'm better now, except from my memory everything is back to normal you know." Nicki spoke as if she was stating the obvious totally ignoring how contradictory what she was saying seemed to be compared to the way she felt moments ago. 

"Yeah I know, and what does this have to do with me being tired?!" Drake asked and Nicki shook her head at him.

Well, you have been taking such good care of me and spent so much energy making sure I was good." Nicki spoke before outstretching her hand for Drake to take and he did so.

"Now it's my turn to make sure you are good." Nicki said as she got Drake to take a seat next to her.

"And.. I am telling you, you need some rest." Nicki said getting up as Drake sat on the bed.

"While I cook something for you and mama to eat." Nicki spoke smiling hard.

"She's already started cooking though." Drake said in a last attempt to dissuade her.

"I'll help her then." Nicki shrugged walking away. Drake shook his head at her and got up as well.

"Where are you going now ?" Nicki asked  him turning around to face him.

"I'm going to lay down, isn't it what you just asked me to do ?"

"Yeah, about that. You know I didn't lose my common sense in the car crash, I know you've been sleeping in the guest room, there is no way this room isn't yours like the browns and gold those are definitely your colors, this room screams out your name, well almost considering it was decorated with a lot of taste." Nicki shrugged and Drake wanted to laugh at that as he remembered the argument they had when it came the decoration of the Master bedroom when they first moved in.

"Really though ?!" Drake let out looking at the pictures Nicki had scattered in the floor, they were all different ideas of designs for the master bedroom that she had gotten from magazines, catalogues and friends and she couldn't decide which one she like best so she had asked Drake's opinion. It was the first time since they bought the house that he'd show any interest in the decoration every time she asked he'd say that he was fine with whatever just because he knew they would never be able to agree on anything but then when he saw how on all the pictures the dominant colors for the room were different shades of purple, burgundy and pink he had to say something. 

"Yes really. Why are you making that face ? What's wrong ?" Nicki asked and Drake laughed. 

"I'll be honest. I can't see myself sleeping in a room with such colors on the walls, I hate all of these ideas Nika." Drake said and Nicki looked at him as if he had 36 heads before smirking and gathering all of the pictures that were on the floor. 

"Ok! She shrugged. And what ideas do you have then, what would you like Brey ?" Nicki asked a bit too sure of herself, she was expecting to get the usual 'I dont' really know, whatever' he'd give every time she asked him but he didn't give her that answer.

"I want like different shades of browns and also gold." Drake answered sure of himself.

"Well, I hate this idea." Nicki shrugged.

"Really ?! What are we going to do then ?" Drake asked.

"Compromise." Nicki let out with a smile. Seemed liked she knew that this was going to happen and had planned a solution already. 

"Ok, what do you want ?" Drake asked, he had just understood that she really didn't care about what color were going to be on the room's walls there were something more important for her at stake. It was all set out, she was trying to get him to grant her that other thing she wanted but he didn't say it. 

"If you get to choose the colors in here then I design the room respecting your colors of course and I get to have carte blanche for the living and for the kitchen." Nicki proposed and Drake frowned.

"How comes you get two rooms and I got one ?" Drake asked and Nicki rolled her eyes at him.

"Please don't act as if you cared." She spoke and Drake chuckled as a way to admit that he didn't care. 

"Ok, then it's a deal. Carte blanche." Nicki reasserted and Drake held his handout for her to shake.

"You got free rein baby." He said as they shook hands.

That's how he ended up having to see that mauve he really disliked on the walls of his living room for two years. 

After snatching out if his thoughts Drake looked at Nicki not really getting the point she was trying to make, he knew she'd eventually figure out that she wasn't in the guest room.

"So yeah, as I said you've done enough for me now so how about we switch rooms ?!" Nicki offered thinking it'd make Drake happy but little did she know that it was the one thing he didn't want to do at all. It was impossible for him to even lay in that bed without her next to him. He already had rough nights in the guest room just thinking about the fact that she was just a few doors down the hall yet he 
felt like she was so far away from him. That feeling would be amplified if he were to sleep in the bed they used to share, all the more so as he had never slept on it again since the day of the car crash. Every time he even laid on it he would see that image if her when she got up that morning, she had tried to wake him up but all she got from him was a muffled protestation and then as she was running around trying to get ready for work he had observed her closely for some reason feeling the need to do so, to capture the image of his wife and so he did, he spaced out for a moment that day as he was caught up in her beauty in that moment when she was standing right in front of the bed and talking about Lord knows what. He wasn't listening, he was just looking, looking at her hair as her natural dark curls were bouncing around her face as she spoke to him, he was looking at the way way her lips curved into a smile every time she took a break from speaking, he couldn't help looking at the way her tight dress hugged her curves either but all those details had nearly no importance when he perceived at the glimmer in her eyes, that same glimmer he had been looking for in her eyes ever since and which he never saw again. That day she was in a rush and to say goodbye she simply kissed his forehead and almost ran away, he still had sleep in eyes and didn't hold her back so as to get the usual kiss he'd get every morning and he didn't even get a chance to properly say goodbye or tell her how much he loved her for the last before loosing her. That's how he felt, he had lost his wife and didn't get the chance to say goodbye or tell her he loved her. Yes he knew it was a miracle that she was still alive and had all if her mental and physical abilities apart from her memory she was just as good as she was before the accident yet she wasn't the same person, she was Onika his best friend, the 23 year old Onika from back then but she wasn't his wife, she wasn't the 28 year old woman that left him to go to work that morning and that is what sleeping in that bed would have reminded him of.

"I don't think you'd enjoy the bed from the guest room Nika. It's no place for a princess." Drake joked half lying. The bed wasn't that bad but it was nothing compared to the comfort the bed from the master bedroom could offer.

"If you can sleep on it, I can sleep on it as well." Nicki shrugged him off.

"Are you sure ?!" Drake asked and Nicki shook her head at him. 

"Yes, I am." She confirmed before making her way out of the room, leaving Drake alone to his thoughts. 

Nicki descended the stairs and went to join Sandi in the kitchen, when she got there she found her chopping vegetables.

"I got this mama." Nicki spoke as she walked behind Sandi and careful got the knife from her. 

"Oh thank you sweetie." Sandi spoke as she walked away and towards one of the many cabinets to get some condiments and seasoning to add to the food. 

"How are you doing today ?" Sandi asked as she was facing Nicki again. Nicki shrugged before answering.

"I don't really know." Nicki answered. "I was kinda down after the Dr's appointment and everything, but I think I'm good now." Nicki explained. Sandi was and had always been the one person she was never afraid to talk to and since the accident you could say she had talked more in depth and more frequently to Sandi than she had to her psychiatrist.

"What exactly happened at that appointment, Aubrey seemed to be a bit shaken when you guys got back home."

"I think I scared him." Nicki started and she stopped chopping the vegetables so that she could male eye contact with her mother in law. 
"He was up talking to the Doctor about Lord knows what and had asked me to wait in the car but as I waited, I wanted to try driving the car you know. As soon as I grabbed the steering wheel it went left, I had this horrible flashback where I felt the car crash happening and he found me gripping the steering wheel crying and screaming like the crazy psycho that I am." Nicki shrugged and went back to her veggies looking down at them trying to hide her face. Sandi knew that play all too well and she sure wasn't going to let Nicki feel bad or beat herself up for something she had no control over.

"Look up here sweetie." Sandi asked Nicki hesitated before raising her head.

"First of all, you are not a crazy psycho and don't let me hear you call yourself that again alright?!" Sandi asked firmly and Nicki shook her head yes.

"And it's a good thing that you took it upon yourself to actually get behind the wheel and what happened is normal. You need to go through these kind of shocks before everything gets back to normal. Soon enough you'll be back to driving like nothing ever happened, I promise you that. But before that, if you decide to try again, you ask Aubrey to be there with you please, I don't want you to be alone in moments like that." Sandi spoke with a reassuring smile, it was basically what Drake had just told Nicki moments ago but still it made her feel a bit better.

"Thank you for saying that, but I think he's getting tired of babying me you know ?! I don't want to be such a burden to him, I'll ask the doctor to advise me someone, I'm pretty sure they have coaches for stuff like that." Nicki shrugged with a pout. It was heartbreaking for her to even think of the idea that she was a burden to Drake, ever since they had known each other he was the one and only person she never felt like she was a burden to. She felt like a burden to her mother, to her father and to each and every one of her exes that was for sure but never to him. Which was simply because he never considered her to be one, even in this tough moment, yes he could say that the situation was tiring, that it was harsh for him but never would he say or think that she was a burden.

"Aw Onika." Sandi shook her head making her way towards Nicki to hug her.

"I know my son honey, and let me tell you this, you are not a burden to him at all, you know how he is, he actually loves taking care of you, it's not babying you, it's just helping you get through this rough patch. You would have done the same for him if the tables were turned right ?" Sandi asked and Nicki nodded her head as to say yes.

Sandi hated seeing her daughter in law in such a state, she wanted to tell her the whole truth right then and may be it would have soothed her and stopped her from thinking she was no more than a charity case to Drake, may be if she knew that he was her husband, she was his wife and the only reason as to why he was taking care of her was because he loved her so much and had vowed to do so, then she'd at least feel better. But then again it could be the contrary so Sandi decided to respect her son's decision and wait for him to be ready to tell his wife the truth.

"I would do the same for him, that's true but it's no excuse for me to overstay my welcome mama, I need to get out of his hair, that way he can go back to his life and you can go back to Toronto. You must miss being home." Nicki said with a pout which made Sandi smile, she was touched to hear Nicki say that and at the same time it made her smile just because she was so far from the truth.

"There is not much up there for me to miss sweetheart, I'd rather  be here with you guys, you know I don't mind, don't say such things." Sandi reassured softly squeezing her hand.

"Thank you mama, it's nice of you guys to be here for me." Nicki said and Sandi pulled her into a hug.

"You do not have to thank us,we are family Nika, we stick together." Sandi spoke realising Nicki from the hug.

"Of course I do,I'd be stuck alone in that hosptal room if it wan't for you guys, so thank you." Nicki answered and kissed Sandi's cheek before walking away with the veggies she had just chopped.

"You are more than welcome sweetheart." Sandi answered as she went back to cooking as well.

"Can Iask you one thing?" Nicki asked Sandi who nodded with a smile.

"What was my life like? I mean how were those five years for me?" Nicki asked and right then Sandi wanted to run away hide as she felt so bad. She didn't know what she was supposed to say.

"Common mama, you know you can tell me, don't be acting like Aubrey please, everytime I ask him he acts like he is a CIA agent, what is it you guys are hiding from me?" Nicki asked obviously joking, Sandi shookher head at her.

"Don't be stupid, we're not hidng anything from you, it's jsut that we know for sure that you will eventually remember it all on your own, and we don't want to ruin that for you, besides you know how the doctor said it was better not to push you too much with all that." Sandi spoke busying herself about the kitchen so as to hide her face from Nicki.

"You might be right, but at the same time, there are a few things I absolutely need to know." Nicki explained with a pout, the pout Sandi could never resist.

"What would those things be?" Snadi asked with a deep sigh because at that moment she knew she would give up and may be give out capital information.

"In my head I am 23 plus 5 years that means I'm actually 28 so I'd like to know, did I ever get in a serious relationship, like serious serious, did I ever get over Keenan? Because to be quite honest, I keep thinking about him." Nicki asked looking down at her nails, ashamed to be actually admitting that she was thinking about that man when it had in theory been 5 years since he had thrown the heart she had willingly given him and had stomped on it.

Drake almost felt his heart sink when he heard the words come out of Nicki's mouth. As much as he wanted to hear the rest, he just wanted to scream and had to sprint back up the stairs.

Hi guys, I hope y'all enjoyed reading this, it was quite boring I grant you that, but I kinda wrote it in a hurry, I really couldn't have you guys waitting any longer. I hope you still enjoyed it and please comment and let me know what you thought about it, good or bad, you all know I love to get feedbacks from you.

Mucho Love xoxo


Oneshot : He ain't you part 1

Nicki sat at the meeting room table facing him, she shook her head at what she had just heard, she couldn't believe she was reduced to doing this, she was turning the situation in every possible angle but couldn't understand how she got there. She turned her head towards her publicist and at her manager, then she turned her head the other way and looked at her lawyer, then looked back at the man sitting across from her, none of them could even imagine what was going through her head, to them it was just a routine meeting, to her it felt like she was signing her life over .

"So, Onika what do you say ?" He asked looking at her with a smile and hopeful eyes, she gave him a wide smile before speaking.

"It sounds like a good thing but I'd have to think about it Rahmeek, I can't give an answer right now."  Nicki answered. She had already let too many aspects of her life in the hands of she didn't even really know who, she wanted control, at least over that yet she couldn't bring herself to tell him no, how could she say no to him ? She simply couldn't.

After discussing everything, they all agreed on a meeting in two weeks, which would give Nicki some time to think about everything and take a decision.

When they got out of the elevator and were making their way out of the building Meek grabbed Nicki's hand and they walked towards the black Maybach hand in hand. He opened the door for her and helped her in the car before shutting her door and walking around the car to his side of it, when he got in Nicki had already opened her laptop and she was about to put her headphones in silently letting him know that she wasn't in the mood for any type of conversation.

"Did I do something wrong ?" He asked placing a hand over hers to stop her from putting her headphones on.

"No, why do you ask that ?" Nicki answered not wanting to start any drama, really she didn't like the fact that he went behind her back and arranged this meeting but she couldn't tell him that because truth was that the real problem wasn't the meeting or the idea of a T.V special for the wedding, the problem was the idea of the wedding itself and she couldn't tell him that.

"I ask because you're acting distant right now, and you have been during the whole meeting. I thought this was a good idea for publicity and everything but if that makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to do it, you just have to say no and we can forget about it all." He said taking her hand into his, he was saying this as if it was just that simple when it wasn't.

"It's not that, I just feel like this might be too much, we both are public personalities and by definition our relationship is public, I don't mind that, but I feel like there is nothing that we control now, there is not any decision we take just between the two of us, there is always a publicist, a manager, a lawyer and it's staring to become too much for me."

Nicki expressed how she was feeling or part of it actually. Since the very begining of their relationship everything was a public matter or a publicity stunt. At first they were just using their friendship to boost his career which he could use after coming out of jail, it just consisted in playing with the craze over their appearances together and the songs and that was it, she'd deny being with him for the simple fact that they weren't together, really she was broken at that time, she was still dealing with her terrible breakup.
This little publicity stunt brought hem closer, indeed they spent more and more time together and had gotten closer, she was unconsciously using him, she didn't want to be alone, she was scared to be alone, she didn't know how to be alone and he was there so she used him, he on the other hand was crazy about her, or rather about the idea of her. When he asked her out, she said yes, because again she couldn't stand being alone, she was learning how it felt and she didn't like it at all thus jumping into another relationship felt like the right way to heal but she didn't know that what she was really doing was running away. Plus it felt right because it was just like her previous relationship , him being one  of Safaree's friends made it feel like in a way she was with him, It might sound creepy but they were so similar on many points, she felt at ease being with him and at the same time he fel like a breath of fresh air, everything seemed so simple with him, she thought she was happy but little did she know that it was only because she didn't care, of course it was simple and she wouldn't get hurt because there was no real feelings, you can't get hurt if you don't care at all. But she thought she was really happy so she rolled with it. Then when their team and entourage caught wind of them being together that's when their relationship started being exploited to the extreme, it was their PR move, a music video to promote ? Their relationship was used. A performnce to come ? Same thing. His album to promote ? Same thing.  He didn't mind it , and at first she didn't mind it either unil it go to the point where she felt like everyone but herslef had a say in their relationship, at first it was just a fling, they were just seeing each other from time to time and all of a sudden because it was a good look for him, because he wanted it, because he was nice guy, she found herself in a committed relationship with him and next thing she knew, she was engaged and about to get married, When he proposed to her she immediately accepted, but not for the right reasons, she said yes because, she didn't see any reason to say no, because she was scared she'd end up alone again, and also because she compared their relationship to her relationship with Safaree , she was convinced they didn't work out because she had hesitated too much and because of the fact that she was a rapper, now that problem was out of the way, Meek was a rapper too, so their was no reason for their relationship not to work so she pushed herself to believe that she was happy.

"Baby, I get how you're feeling, but you're just overwhelmed right now, I mean lately we've both been working like crazy." He started and Nicki repressed a chuckle. 'You mean I have been working like crazy while you were up in them clubs.' Nicki thought before his voice snatched her out of her thoughts again.

"I know just how hard it can be, but you don't have to let it bring us down, we are together because we love each other, not because it's good publicity and we both know it, we can take some time alone without any publicist, any manager and just think this whole thing through and we'll make a decision together, alright ? If you don't want to do it we're not talking about it again." He asked looking in her eyes, as his fingers softly rubbed her hand. Nicki looked up in his eyes, and as much as she wanted to say no, she felt like she couldn't, as every time she was determined to put an end to that masquerade, he ended up convincing her, well not exactly, that's not the word she'd used because deep down she still wasn't convinced it was right but he managed to sugar coat it all and make it feel like it wasn't that bad.

"Alright, I'll think about it, thanks for understanding." Nicki half smiled.

"You do not have to thank me, you know I love you right ?" He asked looking in her eyes again and Nicki had to look away, afraid he would read what her eyes said.

"I know... I love you too." Nicki answered looking at the ring on her finger hoping her voice hadn't betrayed her. Hoping he didn't hear how empty it sounded.

When she looked up Nicki saw that grin on Meek's face, she used to love that grin and thought of it to be cute but now it was the most annoying thing to her, every time she felt like it was his way of taunting her, of laughing at her for the way he had managed to trap her. Because that is how she felt trapped.

"Give me a kiss now." Meek spat leaning in, his lips puckered out. Nicki hesitated before meeting him halfway and giving him a quick peck. After that she turned her head in the other direction and for the remaining of the ride to her house she stared at the landscape that was passing by, she could feel his hand over hers, it might have been an innocent gesture but she felt like it was one of his many ways of restraining her and she wanted to slam it away but she didn't want to cause any drama.


It had been hours since Nicki and her boyfriend had gotten home. After a quick shower, Nicki had immediately started working. That day was supposed to be a day off, but Nicki was never too keen of these. She always felt like she was doing something wrong by resting instead of working besides these days she had had enough personnal time. She had just realised that ever since her and Meek had started dating she hadn't worked that much and spent a whole lot of time partying instead. She had been delegating a lot of tasks to other people on her team and she didn't want that situation to keep going, she couldn't become one of these artists who simply put their voice on a track and control nothing else in their career. She already felt like she wasn't in control of her personal life, she needed control at least on her professional life.

"What are you doing on that computer again ?" Meek asked walking in the room and getting the laptop from Nicki's lap.

"Just working on some stuff for the clothing line." Nicki answered with a small smile which perfectly concealed her frown, she didn't want to let show that she was highly annoyed by what he just did and by his presence all together.

"Man, why wou trippin' over this ? It's just skirts and dresses." Meek laughed before carrying on. "Besides you know you don't have to actually help design these, let whoever's in charge do it. You know people gon' buy the shit as long as your name on it." He said before laughing some more and handing her her laptop back. Nicki grabbed the laptop not really knowing what to answer to that, she was astonished, she couldn't even get how he could say such things. Truly she felt disrespected, but at the same time she couldn't help but think that maybe he was right. Part of her couldn't help but wonder, maybe it was dumb for her to work that hard on stuff she could simply leave up to people who are qualified to do it. She had the power, money and fame to allow that to happen, what would it change if she didn't work on the designs people were buying just for the name, just like people around her were there just for that same name. 

"You know what you could your use time in a more effecient manner instead. Go get dressed and come party with me and my boys." He said loudly, almost shouting and making ridiculous gestures with his arms.

"Why ? So you can show me off as a trophy ?" Is what Nicki wanted to say. But instead she told him she wasn't feeling to well and didn't want to go out. Truth is she was scared. Everytime they go out she is scared she might drink too much and go back to her old ways, like back when she was with Safaree in the end. She was fighting so hard not to go back to that stage, she knew it was self destruction and she was trying so hard to stay away from that, she knew going to the club meant there would be alcohol and she knew the people who he wanted to go out with would be able to supply the one thing she was avoiding like the pleague : pills. With her being drunk she knew it'd be the first thing she'd ask for and no one would try to prevent her from taking them.

"You for real right now ? Why you always gotta be like that ? What you gon' do alone in here huh ? Common let's go. You seem perfectly fine to me." Meek said getting up and grabbing Nicki's hand trying to get her to get up. That's when she had had enough.

"Yo, stoop. Why are you pulling on my arm like that ? I said I didn't want to go, I'm not going, end of conversation. And don't you ever think you can tell me how the fuck I feel." Nicki said yanking her arm back and getting up from the bed she was sitting on. "Go find some other trophy to take to the club." She added before storming out of the room.

"What are you even talking about ? You on your period or what ?" Meek answered laughing still not taking her seriously, sometimes when talking to him, she felt like talking to a child. 

"Don't act like you want me to come for any reason other than to get the press' attention. You know I hate that shit. It's just like this stupid idea you got. A T.V special for the wedding ?! Nigga what's going through your brain ? Why is it the media's attention is the only thing you care about ?" Nicki said in a burst of anger finally saying how she felt.

"Oh so now the wedding's a problem. Now you don't want to get married ?!" He asked his eyes wide open and Nicki wanted to scream 'Yes exactly.' But her brain did that thing again, that relationship was the idea of happyness she was clinging on and she didn't want to let that go. She was supposed to be happy in that relationship, it was supposed to make her feel great, she was supposed to be floating on air. She was happy, she felt great and she was floating on air. That's what she kept repeating herself. If she was this happy there was no reason to end this relationship right ?

"No, that's not what I'm saying, it's just..." Nicki started but couldn't find anything to add. Truth was she didn't want to get married, at least not right then, not with him, therefore of course she didn't have anything to add.

"Yeah drop it. That's what it sounds like anyways." Meek said for the first time looking actually sad as he walked away leaving a dumbfounded Nicki standing there. She didn't even bother going after him. She waited until she heard the front door slam shut and went on and about her business. She simply didn't care and though she didn't want to admit it herself she was actually relieved, she couldn't take his constent presence anymore. She had had enough of him being there so in the end this argument was a good thing and she knew he needed her and would eventually come back.

It was almost one in the morning as Nicki laid in her bed alone, staring at the stars through the glass ceiling of her bedroom, her mind kept going over every thing that was going left in her life, she tried to stop but she couldn't, she just couldn't, that is what she hated about being alone, there was no one to talk to her and make her forget about those things, she was face to face with herself and with all the issues she felt like she had no control over and she had to look at herself and at all these issues under each and every possible angle. She turned her head towards the bedside table and reached for the small box that was sitting on it. She sat up straight and intently stared at the box trying to find the courage to put it back down but she didn't find that courage and instead she opened the box as tears started streaming down her face. After a deep sigh she managed to throw the box on the bed which caused the pills to spill out of it and land on the sheets. In a swift motion Nicki pulled the covers off her body and got out of her bed before making her way out of her bedroom, she descended the stairs and made her way to her kitchen. She started opening cabinet after cabinet only to slam them shut right after as she couldn't find what she was looking for, she kept doing so while cursing whoever kept moving stuff in her kitchen. Eventually she stopped at one cabinet and got the candy jar and the cookie jar that where next to one another. She brought them to her living room and set them on the coffee table next to the half empty bottle of whine that was already there. She sat on the floor and turned the T.V on to whatever movie was on, she slowly unscrewed the lids to both jars and after wipping some of her tears with the back of her hands she picked her first two candies and stuffed them in her mouth she chewed and swallowed rather quickly before taking a nice gulp of wine straight from the bottle. She repeted the same process 7 times. It was two candies for each day she went without popping any pills. 7 times equals seven days. She had managed to go seven days without popping any pills yet she felt just as miserable, and weak as if she had actually taken those seven or more pills. After her last gulp of wine, Nicki screwed the lid of the jar and remained watching the T.V absent mindedly as she started eating the cookies and other snacks that were in the other jar. She ate and cried for hours. Staring at the T.V without even getting what was going on on the screen, she simply stared at the moving images as her tears streamed down her cheeks. Once she felt like she was full and had had enough of eating she screwed the lid back on the jar and grabbed the bottle of wine. She was bringing it to her lips she decided against it and let the bottle fall on the floor, the bottle hit the floor and  the red liquid spilled out of it, on the floor. There was wine all alound her feet but she didn't care. All she cared about was trying to stop her tears. But it was impossible, the flood of tears was just uncontrollable at this point. The wine and candies always made her feel good on the moment but the problem was that just like the pills it was a temporary feeling but it was even worse, at least the effect of the pills lasted longer and it was numbing. She wasn't drunk enough to feel numb. She could eat all the candies she wanted and drink all the wine she wanted but it couldn't stop her from thinking. She was still alone with herself and couldn't stop her mind from wandering. She couldn't stop all the thoughts. And even worse she couldn't help but think about him. She could try as hard as she wanted but it was impossible. It was as if he broke in her mind everytime she shut him out and that was the worst feeling. She was mad at herlsef for that. She was supposed to be happy with a man she was supposed to love yet the only person she could think about was him. She had another man in her head and in her heart and she could do nothing about it. Was she supposed to let go of what she had and go for what she wanted ? Even that seemed impossible to do. It seemed too hard to do besides even if she did do that. She had lost every chance to have what she wanted with who she wanted. She had her chance and let it pass her by. It was too late now, all she could do is be happy with what she had. Even if it all made her want him even more. Everytime she thought about him and about how things could have been if she had been with him it makes her feel even more miserable. As she knew he was the only one who could actually make her feel like she wanted to feel, with him she felt like she didn't have a care in the world, like nothing could get to her. Anything could happen actually but nothing that could threaten her happiness, nothing could be bad enough to take her happiness away as long as she had him. That's the feeling she was constantly looking for, she'd try any kind of high drug induced with the pills, but all it did was make her feel numb, sex induced with Meek but again it was nothing compared to what she was looking for and she learnt it the hard way once she was passed the infatuation stage. The failure to get that feeling made her want to go get him right away and maybe it was the alcohol in her system that made her do that but this exactly what she planned to do right then. She couldn't hold it anymore as she got up from her spot on the floor and went to put some shoes on. She grabbed her phone and keys and hoped in her car and drove off, not really knowing what she was doing nor why she was doing it for. She just felt like doing it, she felt like she had to. It was it, she had to go and get her happiness,she cpuldn't just be content with what was given to her, she deserved to love and be loved. There was no reson for her to be satisfied with faked happinness and faked love. She needed the real deal and she was about to go get it. That's what she kept repeating herself as she drove through the L.A streets. That's what she punched in the code to his gate, surprised at the fact that it was still the same. That's what she told herself as she parked and got out of car and walked to the front door withdeterination, she rung the bell still sure of what she wanted, but the anticipation as she waited for him to get the door had the best of her and defeates her determination. She was about to drawback when the door flew open and she was relieved to see who was standing behind it. 

"Onika ?! What are you doing here ?" Chubbs asked in a whisper obviously surprised to see her. 

"Hi Chubby!" Nicki expressed hugging him. She had immediately put on her facade smile on. Lately she had gotten even better at doing it. If it wasn't for her dry tears she wasn't aware of and her red puffy eyes, you'd think she was actually ok. 

"Erm, nothing, you know what, I think I should go." Nicki spoke after she had released Chubbs from the hug. She was about to turn around and run away. When she heard his deep voice almost making her shake. 

"Onika ?!" Drake let out, surprise perceptible in his voice.

"Aubrey.. Erm hi." Was all Nicki was able to let out as she looked down at her feet. 

"I was about to leave, so I guess I'm gone." Chubbsg said walking passed Nicki and away from the scene, the two others not even paying him any attention as they were so engrossed in each other.

"Erm, I think I better leave as well." Nicki said about to turn on her heals. She felt dumb for driving all the way here as if they would simply fall in each other's arms again and everything would be forgotten and it all would fallback in its place. She was here and didn't even know what she was thinking.

"Come on Onika, don't be stupid." Drake spat in a condesending tone that let Nicki know how he felt, which made her feel bad but anyways it was too late to turn back around so she followed behind him as he stepped in the house. She followed him to the kitchen where he went to the fridge and got a bottle of water, he was being super relaxed, totally in contrast with Nicki who was filling very uncomfortable and wanted to run away and go hide in a hole.

"Want something to drink ?" Drake asked snatching Nicki out of her thoughts. It surprised ger how chill he was acting. He was acting like it hadn't been weeks since they last seen each other and like they didn't get in their worst argument ever the last time they seen each other. 

"Erm... Water please." Nicki spoke not even able to form a full sentence.

"Plain or sparkling ?" He asked surprising Nicki even more.
"Plain." She answered.

"Plain water ?! Come on it's me you can ask for a Margarita, I'll make you one." He chuckled.

"I know, I just had enough to drink already." Nicki answered and Drake shrugged and handed her a bottle of water.

"Thanks." Nicki said taking it from him. 

"Welcome." Drake answered walking away and towards the living room where Nicki followed him. Once they got there Drake sat down on the couch while Nicki stood still, staring at him.

"You know you can have a seat right ?" Drake spoke barely looking up from his phone. 

"Won't be necessary, I told you, I won't stay for long." Nicki answered again looking at her feet. 

"Do as you please then." Drake shurgged. "Anyways, what do you want ? And why are you even in L.A ?"

"Just needed to talk to you, and erm well I live in L.A, thought you knew that."

"Talk to me about what ? I thought you moved to be closer to your boyfriend." Drake spoke sarcasm dripping out of his tone.

"I said I was planning on moving back to New York yeah, but the goal was to be closer to my family." Nicki explained feeling the need to clarify.

"Right. Anyways, what was it you needed to talk to me about ?" Drake asked still looking at his phone. 

"Erm... Well. Actually there was nothing in particular... I just... I..."

"I see. You're just having one of your moments when you feel lonely and get to think about my existence and you think why not go find Aubrey so that he can entertain me and then we can go throught the usual pattern. Well welcome home babygirl kick your shoes off come and lay in my arms, I'll entertain you until he comes back. And then we'll just act like I don't even exist. My feelings don't even exist.Promise. We good." Drake said with a shrug and Nicki slowly rose her head completely shocked at what he had just said. 

"How can you think such things Aubrey ?!" She exclaimed obviously hurt.

"It's not how it goes between us Nika ? Then tell me what are you here for ? Did you just realised that I also existed when you weren't bored or lonely ?"

At that question Nicki tried to find an answer, well she already knew the answer but she just couldn't tell him what she had droven all the way there to tell him. She just couldn't bring herself to. She was ashamed. 

"That's what I thought. But it's ok. I ain't tripping. It's nothing." Drake said getting up from the couch. He grabbed his phones and made his way towards the stairs he turned around before speaking.

"Aren't you coming ?" He asked.

"Actually no. I won't bother you any longer. I'll leave now. But before that, I just want to tell you that you are completely wrong Aubrey. This is not how our relationship works at all at least that's not my intention, it was never my intention and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way. You are not just an option to me and I do not reach out only when I'm bored or need to be entertained. You mean a lot more than that to me." Nicki explained and she was halfway through when her voiced cracked and again tears started streaming down her face she did her best to remain strong and not to let the tears roll down but there was nothing she could do to stop them. She was at the end of the roll right then, she was exhausted and couldn't pretend anymore. She could take whatever from Meek, and simply move on from it because she didn't care that much for his opinion or his feelings. But Aubrey telling her such things and knowing that he felt this way about her completely crushed her. She could be seen as a bad person or be hated by anyone esle and wouldn't care but she couldn't stand the fact that he would think of her in that way and moreover she couldn't accept the fact that she had hurt him. It was the last thing she ever wanted to do. 

"I just didn't know what to do Aubrey !" Nicki spoke after getting herself together enough to talk.

"I don't know what to do everytime shit like that happens. Was I supposed to call ? To drop by like nothing never happened after what you said to me ? You told me I was dead to you." Nicki said and bursted into tears as she could hear him pronounce the words in her head so vividly she felt like she was reliving the moment.


"Why did you feel the need to come here and publicly put me on the spot like that." Drake asked Nicki in an icy tone as they stood in his dressing room.

"I wasn't trying to put you on the spot or whatever Aubrey, it was just to say hi. That's it." Nicki answered standing in front on him with her head bowed down.

"Please don't put on that angelic act with me right now, acting like you didn't know this would end up in being public humiliation for me again Nika. I had to hug you and act like I was good with being friendzoned again after I been screaming my love for you for I don't know how long and I had to congratulate you on your new relationship. On stage !! Nic on fucking stage." Drake almost shouted causing Nicki to take a few steps back. 

"You brought that up Aubrey. Nobody forced you to. You could've just hugged and that would've been it. I really came on stage just to show support that's it." Nicki tried to explain herself again. It was the truth, she was at Coachella for her own business, she had that video to shoot with Beyoncé and also it was a way for her to take some time on her own and relax in a good environment. And she absolutely wanted to see Drake's set no matter how fucked up their relation was in that moment. One of his performances was just something she couldn't miss. She wasn't even planning on walking on stage like that. She simply was in a good mood and thought they could simply move on just like that with a smile and a hug. But once she walked on stage she immediately felt it. When he hugged her, when he spoke to her and congratulated her. She felt the tension and knew it wouldn't be this easy to move on.

"I had to bring it up! I had to. Look I know this ambiguity about us doesn't affect you. I know it's easy for you. You made it clear, I was just a passade. Now you're with Meek. You are happy, I can see it. The whole wide world can see it. But do you know where that leaves me at ?! I'm just the dude that was dumb enough to think there was something. I'm the guy that was friendzoned. So yeah I had to bring it up. I had to clarify shit because of that fucking image of me you created Nika. But you know what ? I'm done with it. Done. You can't just play me like that. You broke up with Safaree and came to me. I was there for you. I could say that I was the one harboring crazy illusions but truth is you lead me on and you let the whole wide world think the same thing I was thinking only to crush me and my image. You ain't even let me know nothing. I had to find out like everyone else. You played me. And now you coming in here talking about you want to show support ? I don't need no support from you. I'm good. You've proven that you were only good at recieving. You are just trying to start the same pattern as every time so go straight to the point. What do you need me for or rather how long do you need me for. Just the week end, a week ? It doesn't matter because guess what ? I am not available, this little game is over. You can't use me anymore. You are dead to me." Drake spoke his last words in a blood curdling tone getting up from his seat and walking out of the dressing room leaving Nicki standing there dumbfounded. Of course she was expecting him to be a little upset given how things had went between them the last time they spoke, she knew he was mad at her because of the way she went about things since her breakup and she could admit that it wasn't the best way to go but he was totally wrong when it came to the intent behind her actions. She never meant to lead him on, only to get with another guy afterwards.
It was all genuine. She really enjoyed every single moment they spent together and the only reason why she let herself get this close to him was because of the way he made her feel, because she knew she could only feel that way when she was around him. But then she got scared, those feelings scared her, they scared her because they were something she had no control over at all. She was scared of herself and scared of him. She didn't know how he felt, she didn't know if he had the same feelings, if he genuinly cared about her, the same way she cared about him. She didn't know if he wanted her the way she wanted him or if she was simply another girl to him. And if he did care for her and wanted her, would he end up breaking her heart and crashing her hopes like the others before him did. That was the scariest thought. Her fears got the best of her and that is why she decided to run away and settle for something that might have been less beautiful, less magical but that was at least less scary and less risky for her heart.
Drake on his part was the one who ended up heartbroken, by trying to protect herself from a heartache Nicki had ended up breaking his heart without even meaning to. It was the last thing she wanted to do. 
For those reasons she could understand how he was feeling then but she never thought she had cut him that deep and for him to tell her those things he had just said to her made her feel bad and desgusted by her own actions. Had she have the power to, she would go back in time and fix her mistake but she knew it was impossible and she'd have to live with it and with the words she just heard come out of his mouth. She had to face it , she messed up and hurt him to the point where he considered her to be dead to him. She had lost him for good and she was the only one to blame.

Nicki stood at the bottom of the stairs, crying her eyes out facing Drake who was a few stairs up. He looked at the broken woman before him and just couldn't stand the view. Ever since those words came out of his mouth he immediatly regreted pronouncing them, he was mad at himself for saying that and speaking out of anger like that. He knew she could never be dead to him, he loved her too much for that, she always had and always will have a special place in his heart and his mind. His pain had the most of him that day and he just snapped. When he saw her after such a long time all of the built up anger and frustration came out at once. He wanted to really mean that he was happy for her but he couldn't shake the anger, the pain, the frustration and the jealousy. But the worst had to be that feeling of being used. He really felt like he was a disposible object to her. One you use and then throw away.
When he saw her earlier at the door he could clearly see that she was miserable, he had noticed the dry tears, the bloodshot eyes, how her head was bowed down, he noticed that her mouth wasn't curled up in a smile as it usually is, he knew she was unhappy and wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be ok and that she had to cheer up because they could overcome this, whatever it was. But he had to hold back. He had to stick up to his wirds to show her that this time it wasn't a joke, that he was really tired and hurt and that he wasn't going to subject himself to anymore pain caused by that downward spiral they used to be caught in. But right then seeing her in that state made all of these harsh feelings fly away and he couldn't help running to her and wrapping his arms around her to hold her tight. He couldn't help kissing the top of her head to soothe her. Feeling the warmth provided by his body made Nicki cry even more. She cried not because of the harshness of his words, not because of the numbing pain she was constantly feeling but out of joy, as odd as it is in this moment she was crying out of joy, she was happy, happy because she had finally found that warmth and that feeling that fullfilled her heart.

"I am so sorry." She managed to let out through her tears, apologizing to him but also to herself for causing so much pain to the both of them.

"Shh..." Was all Drake was able to say, he didn't want to let words ruin anything besides his own pain couldn't allow him to tell her that it was ok, because he simply didn't feel like any of this was ok. For the moment he just wanted her to calm down because he couldn't stand seeing her in the state she was in and then maybe he wanted to sort things out but that wasn't something he was sure of. Maybe he just wanted to be over their situation, over her. All he knew right then was that the view before him was heartbreaking and he could never let her leave his house in that state. Even though he wanted to derive from their usual pattern more than anything, he would, as usual, take her in his arms and make sure she left his house at least feeling a bit better and at best happy again. He figured they'd figure the rest out only once she was ok, as they usually did and maybe that was always his mistake in the first place. 


This oneshot actually is an idea my bestfriend gave me, it's not really my plot , she makes up the plot and I write because she hates writing and I don't really like making up stories with that much elements from reality, but she was so excited about her plot I decided to give it a try, anyways I hope you enjoyed reading and please leave comments and feedbacks, let me know whether you like it so far or not.

Thanks for reading me (us lol). Mucho Love