Not So Different :
"Aubrey !" Nicki called and it sounded more like a chant, her soft voice called his name and he could see her running through the flowery meadow. A huge smile graced her lips , he face was free from any make up, and looked so pure and innocent as the sun rays made her eyes glimmer. She looked like an angel dressed in her white sundress, that flew around her, the same way a the soft breeze made her wavy hair flow in the air. Her hands softly grazed the flowers and her bare feet brushed over the soft grass as she ran towards him humming a beautiful tone.
Drake was running towards her and the closer he got to her the heaver his body felt, the tenser his muscles were and the harder was each step to take. It felt more and more difficult to move and soon he was paralysed, frozen in place, his eyes and mouth being the only thing he could move. He could only watch as she kept running towards him and she got to him, her smile faded away and the sun faded , knocking the glimmer out of her eyes, as tears started streaming down her cheeks, rain started pouring from the sky matching her mood and her once wavy hair soon was damp and stuck to her face as she looked down and grabbed his hand that he wasn't able to move in order to squeeze hers even if he was desperately trying to.
"Aubrey ?!" She called looking up at him and he saw the sadness in her eyes as tears flowed down her cheeks. He tried to rise his hand and wipe them but he couldn't move even though he was putting all if his will into it. He watched as she fell to the ground on her knees at his feet and cried, cried and cried. Again he tried to bend down and get her off the ground but moving was just impossible to him.
"Nicki get up, get up I'm right here." He kept repeating as tears started rolling down his own cheeks. She couldn't hear him though. She was kneeling there still crying and calling his name.
Both their tears formed a growing puddle around her and in the blink of an eye she was submerged in it, her distressed face being the only thing left visible. She was back to smiling.
"Farewell." He heard her whisper as the water was taking her away from him and he could do nothing. She seemed like she didn't mind it as she let the water submerge her the smile never leaving her face.
"Noo, Nicki stay with me." He begged but it was too late. She was gone.
Nicki sat on the shore, a stream of hot tears flowed down her cheeks as she felt the waves crash onto her bare feet, she stared off in the horizon, staring at the unsteady ocean. The breeze had her hair flowing in the air as she sat pulling her knees to her chest. She had been sitting there for hours absent mindedly staring at the ocean, crying though she didn't even know she was. After she left her house Nicki had wandered in the streets until she finally found herself sitting there.
"I've been looking for you everywhere baby girl." Nicki heard his deep voice and looked over her shoulder to see him taking a seat next to her.
"What for ?"
"What do you mean why ? I was worried." He spoke pulling his daughter close to him.
"Dad, it's too much for me, I can't take it anymore." Nicki cried out in her father's chest.
"I know baby, I know , I know how hard it is." Boris said kissing Nicki's hair and rubbing her arm.
"And I'm sorry, I'm sorry for not making it any easier for you." Boris spoke.
"It's not you, it's her, it's like she thinks it's funny, like seeing me like that is pleasant to her and it makes it even hard, It makes me feel even more lonely." Nicki cried.
"You're not alone though."
"I am, without him, I'm all alone. I can't live without him." Nicki spoke through her sobs as more and more tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Shuuut, shht, you're not alone, I got you alright ? You need to get some rest now, you haven't slept in a week. You are exhausted"
"I'm not coming back home." Nicki said getting out of her father's arms.
"What ? Where are you going then ?" Boris asked.
"I haven't thought about that." Nicki spoke lowly looking down. "But I'm not coming back home. She is a monster and I'm done putting up with her behaviour." Nicki spoke firmly. Right now I'm focusing on Aubrey and that's it. I don't her negativity. It is hard enough as it is.
"I understand." Boris said with a sigh. He looked at his daughter's face and it broke his heart to see her like that. She was clearly at the end of the roll.
"Here's what we're going to do. I'll take you to our Malibu house and you go to bed. I'll go get you clothes and everything you need. Alright ?"
Nicki thought about it for a while before nodding.
"Good. I know you want to be alone and all but I can't leave all alone in the state you're in right now, so there's one condition."
"What is it ?" Nicki wondered.
"Someone has to be there with you. You pick anyone you want it's no problem but you need someone."
"Fine, I'll call up Bey and Ci tomorrow morning. I doubt they'd be happy to be woken up at 4a..m" Nicki said getting up and brushing the sand off her pyjama shorts.
"How did you know I wasn't home ?" Nicki asked her father as they walked hand in hand towards Boris's car.
"I wasn't out for long. I just drove around the city to calm down. When I came back I went to check on you and you were nowhere to be found so I understood you had left and I looked for you at every place you like to go to when you're upset." Boris spoke helping Nicki in the car.
"You did ?" Nicki asked settling in her seat
"'I did, I went to the dance studio,to your spot up in the heels, to the swings in the park. Then I went to the hospital and you weren't there. Then I stopped to think and that's when I thought about the shore." Boris told Nicki and when he took a glance at her he noticed she was fast asleep.
The next morning, Nicki woke up to the sun shining in her bedroom. She slowly rose from the bed and stretched, she looked at her surroundings and recognized her room in their Malibu house which she was fond of. She hadn't been there in a year. It was her and her father's secret. Taraji never knew of the existence of this house. Boris had bought on Nicki's 18th birthday because she used to oblige him to take her watch the ocean at night and they'd sit on the shore and watch the waves crash on the shore until she fell asleep. He bought this house solely for her. Her room and basically every other room and the living room had glass walls allowing her to look at the shore and feel as if she was there. She'd come here and stay for the week-ends or for a few days whenever her mother went to far with her and she felt like she needed to be at peace, she'd lie and say she was at Cassie's. It lasted for a year and a half , til the day Taraji found out about it, and of course since then Nicki was forbidden to go back. She never told her father about and simply told him that she had grown up and didn't like it anymore.
Nicki got up and checked the time it was 11a.m she was shocked, it was the first time in a week that she had slept that much and it felt awesome. She stretched one more time before making her way to the bathroom. She was about to hop in the shower but opted for a bath. After all she had already missed half a day of school might as well miss the rest. While the bath was running she went to the kitchen and was about to open the fridge when she noticed the note on it.
I hope you slept well and are doing better. I brought you clothes and everything. Breakfast's in the oven and call me if you need anything and I mean anything.
Take all the time you need to gather your thoughts ans everything. I know you need it.
Daddy loves you. Xox.
Ps: I couldn't find your phone back home. I'll look for it but call me if you know where it is. I'll bring it by after work along with your car.
Nicki read the note that was scribbled in her father's handwriting. She went to the oven and opened it. An even bigger smile crept onto her face and her eyes lit up when she saw the tray with a full french breakfast and there was all the french pastries she loved. She decided to push back her bath and went to turn the water off. Before heading back downstairs. She poured orange juice in a glass and coffee in coffee cup before taking her breakfast to the balcony. Before sitting on a lounge chair she grabbed the home phone and dialed her father to thank him. After that she had her breakfast and then went to soak in her bath.
"Taraji ! Taraji get up !" Boris shook his wife. His was back home during his lunch break as he had decided to take that time to look for Nicki's phone and bring it to her along with her car.
"What do you want Boris ? Let me sleep, my head hurts."
"You drank all night didn't you ?" Boris chuckled as he sat on the bed next to Taraji who struggled to get herself up.
"You're back ?" Taraji asked making her way towards the bathroom to go get pills for her headache.
"Did you find your child ?" Taraji asked Boris.
"I did find our child and you know what ? You pushed her to the point where she says she's not coming back home."
"Oh, really ? Is that so ?" Taraji asked.
"And it's all you gotta say ?"
"You know your child , she'll be back, she's just too weak."
"I know our child right, or should I say your child." Boris stood as Taraji laid back down under the covers.
" 'What ?' " Boris mimicked. "Quit acting dumb Taraji."
"I don't know what you're talking about Boris, just leave me alone."
"It's funny you're saying that, it's what I intend to do." Boris spoke crossing his arms over his chest.
"What do you mean ?"
"I mean, I'm leaving you and Onika is leaving with me."
"Onika ? Her name is not Onika, it's Nicki and what are you talking about ? Leaving me ??"
"I'm leaving you, I'm done, you've been mistreating us for too long, you've been mistreating my daughter and I for way too long and we both are done taking it."
"Boris, no, you can't, you... you can't leave me Boris." Taraji begged and shot up from the bed.
"I can, and I should have left you long ago."
"You can't chose her over me Boris,"
"Well, I am, I am choosing my daughter and I's well being over our dead relationship, this is real life, it's not a play and I'm done pretending." Boris said looking at a desperate Taraji.
"Boris be reasonable, she ruined us, she is the only reason this is happening, you should have let me get rid of her twenty years ago, but now she's gone, it can be just us Boris don't leave me please." Taraji pleaded shocking Boris.
"You are sick Taraji, you need help. You made a mistake twenty years ago, you ruined us twenty years ago , you cheated." Boris screamed back at his wife.
"Hadn't she been here, you wouldn't have known. She ruined us. Why would you chose her over me ? She is nothing to you!" Taraji screamed back.
"She is my daughter, I don't care whether we have the same blood or not, I forgave you and I accepted your child just as if she was mine and you should've done the same twenty years ago and we would've been happy, but instead you couldn't forgive yourself and blamed your mistake on an innocent child Taraji you ruined us, you ruined the three of us." Boris said before walking away from his wife who fell to the floor crying.
Future had been sitting in the chair in his uncomfortable position for hours now and had fallen asleep. He was woken up by shifting noises. He opened his eyes and couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"Bruh !" Future called as he got up and saw Drake's hand moving and he could hear him making noises and soon his other hand was moving and his eyes shot open as Future stood there dumbfounded.
"Drizzy ?" Future nearly shouted and looked at Drake who opened his mouth but not a sound came out of it.
"Hold on bro, hold on !" Future said and went to push the red button to call for a nurse, she was in the room in the blink of an eye and when she saw Drake had woken up she called for the doctor and he arrived soon and Future was ushered out of the room.
Future stood in the hallway, still shaken before he got his phone out and called the Grahams home phone and let Sandi know what had happen. Then he called Beyoncé and Ciara, last he tried Nicki but he got the voicemail.
I Want You :
Nebby sat at the table between Zahir and Zahirah, it seemed like they were drawing or something all together and when he heard his children's laughing Drake let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding in. He was scared, the twins wouldn't like or reject her but apparently things seemed to be going pretty well.
"I guess you were right, it's not complete chaos." Drake spoke to Nicki looking down at her.
"I'm always right papi, thought you'd be used to it by now." Nicki grinned and patted her on shoulder.
"I'm not even gonna deny that, it's undeniable." Drake smiled at her and leaned in to peck her lips. Then he kissed her again, and again.
"Eeww." The couple heard the kids say and Nicki pulled away from the kiss and turned their heads to face them. Nicki's gaze swept from Zahir's disgusted look to Zahirah's, then to Nebby's annoyed one that changed into a hateful and daring look as soon as it met Nicki's but she thought she was just seeing things and smiled as Drake pulled her towards the table where the twins and Nebby sat and they took seats across from them.
"Look daddy." Zahirah said sliding a picture across the table for Drake to see.
"This is me." She cheered. Drake picked the picture and he recognized a bit younger Nebby holding a baby who he recognized as his daughter. Seeing this had quite an impact on him, it made him a bit emotional, he had never seen the twins when they were babies, the first time he saw them they were almost two and of course Nebby didn't have show him none of these pictures he was seeing.
"Yeah, that's you, for sure. Look at that, she was such a fat baby." Drake showed Nicki the picture with excitement. Nicki took it in her hand and smiled.
"That is a fat baby." Nicki spoke.
"I'm not fat." Zahirah pouted.
"No you're not baby doll." Nebby reassured Zahirah stroking her hair.
The situation was a bit awkward for the three adults but they tried their best not to let it show, not wanting to make it awkward for the kids.
After a while, Nicki and Drake let the twins say their goodbyes to their mother as it was time for her to go.
It was bedtime and Nicki was getting Zahirah ready for bed meanwhile Drake got Zahir ready.
"And do you know why my name is Zahirah ?" Zahirah asked Nicki as she was helping her put her pyjamas on.
"No, why is that ?"
"Because it starts with a Z, just like Zineb." Zahirah stated the obvious.
"Of course, what was I thinking ?" Nicki laughed at Zahirah as she laid her down on her bed.
"Now, give me a kiss." Nicki said leaning over. Zahirah wrapped her arms around Nicki's neck and kissed her cheek.
"Goodnight ladybug, I love you." Nicki kissed the little girl's forehead.
"I love you too." Zahirah spoke as she watched Nicki walk towards the door.
"The nightlight is on and your daddy should be here any minute alright ?" . Nicki spoke to Zahirah from the door and walked out when Zahirah gave her a nod.
Nicki then went to kiss Zahir goodnight, as usual they had a little chat for a few minutes, the chat was about Nebby that day of course, Nicki was happy to hear that the twins were this excited and that they had gotten along with her, she was just hopping that things wouldn't go left, and she had a bad vibe from Nebby but decided not to say a thing or act on it because after she didn't have to interact with her so she decided to let it slide, she could live with side-eyes and death glares as long as every one else found their groove in this situation, she'd get use to it eventually.
Three Weeks Later :
"Do you need help ladybug ?" Nicki asked Zahirah who was struggling to zip her sun dress.
"No, Zineb says I'm a big girl, big girls don't need help, you don't have to help me." Zahirah answered finally managing to zip her dress.
"I know you are a big girl but it's ok , to need help even big girls need help and I'll always be there to help you." Nicki explained.
"Thank you but I'm fine." Zahirah said running away to get her backpack.
"Ok !" Nicki sighed, turning around to look at Clarissa who was sitting on the ottoman going through her magazine.
"You heard that ? You see what she fills their head with ? She told Zahir I shouldn't help him with his bath because his mother was the only woman allowed to see him naked." Nicki plopped on the bed, frustrated and irritated were understatements to qualify how she was feeling at the moment.
"I never thought , that's how I'd find y'all, I thought I'd walk into a happy and drama free house." Clarissa chuckled, she had left Porto Rico and had been back in New York for a week when she received a call from Nicki telling her to fly out to L.A because she needed her, Clarissa wanted to get away from boredom in New York and Nicki was starting to feel lonely, since they had been in L.A, Nicki's days consisted in taking care of the kids, that's all she did and when they started spending their days with Zineb, she had nothing to do with her time, she knew nothing in L.A and Drake was always working so she had nothing to do. So that morning when Clarissa arrived she was more than happy and also for the first time she was happy that the kids would get out of the house so they could have some girl time.
"Well, we're far away from that, At least I am, The kids and Aubrey, they're happy, I'm not."
"What did she do to you ? I swear I...." Clarissa started getting angry when the doorbell rang.
"We have all day to talk about that. Common." Nicki sighed and got up with Clarissa following behind her.
"Zahirah ! What did I tell you about getting the door ?" Nicki screamed running towards Zahirah who was about to unlock the door.
"Sorry." Zahirah said stepping aside letting Nicki get access to the door to open it. Nicki opened the door and Nebby stood behind it.
"Hi, Anika, " Nebby said walking past Nicki and in the house.
"Onika, it's Onika, and I told you to call me Nicki." Nicki told Nebby who didn't even bother listening to her as she crouched down to hug both Zahir and Zahirah.
"Are you guys ready to go ? We're going to swim with dolphins today." Nebby spoke to the twins.
"Yees,!" They cheered.
"Alright, let's get going." Nebby spoke and Nicki cleared her throat.
"Actually y'all can't go just now, the bodyguards, aren't here, they'll be here any minute now." Nicki spoke as she till stood near the door.
"Nicki, I want to swim with the dolphins," Zahir said with a pout.
"I know baby, and I'm not saying you won't, we're just waiting for the bodyguards to get here alright ?" Nicki spoke softly but Zahir was still pouting.
"Micki's right angel, we're need to be safe an..." Nebby started before being cut off by a toot.
"Thank god !" Clarissa spoke not hiding her level of annoyment.
"Oh I see we it both the baby sitter and the servant here, what's going on ? Staff meeting." Nebby joked infuriating Clarissa who was about to snap when Nicki spoke.
"Ok, they're here, it's time for you to leave."
"Right, let's go angels." Nebby said grabbing both Zahir and Zahirah's hands and walking them towards the door.
"Bye Nicki, bye Clarissa" Both Zahir and Zahirah said walking without a look.
"Where's my kiss at ?" Nicki asked jokingly but she was really hurt. And to arrange things , Zahir and Zahirah blew her a kiss and followed their mother towards the awaiting black SUV.
"Unbelievable." Nicki shook her head.
"And see thing is I don't want to sound a like cry baby, you know ?" Nicki explained to Clarissa after she had told her about how things had unfolded for the past weeks.
"You're feelings aren't things you should hide and keep bottled up."
"But I don't want to bring this up and it really is just me tripping, besides it's all my fault. I am the one who told him to get in this."
"Nicki, if anything makes you feel this strongly than it has to be brought up and dealt with, keeping it in won't solve it, don't think it will just fade away 'cause it won't, he loves and cares about you too much not to care alright ?"
"Fine, I'll try and talk to him." Nicki sighed dropping her fork. Clarissa and her had spent the day together, they had went shopping in the morning then they had had a spa and pampering afternoon, and were now having dinner.
"We're home !" Nicki shouted as her and Clarissa walked in the house, she had seen Drake's car in the driveway so she knew he was home.
"In here !" She heard Drake's deep voice yell back from the kitchen and she and Clarissa walked to the kitchen and were met with a sight Nicki didn't like at all.
"Hi." Nicki let out and went to kiss the twins first as they sat at the table eating their dinner. Then she went to kiss Drake.
"How was your day ?" Drake asked hugging her.
"Good, I'll go change, I'll be right back." Nicki answered and walk past Nebby and out the kitchen.
"Hey, big head." Clarissa said in a cheerful tone.
"And here I thought, I had finally gotten rid of you." Drake joked walking over to her and hugging her.
"You will never, ever get rid of me boy." Clarissa laughed.
Clarissa excused herself and went upstairs to shower and soon Nicki made her way downstairs and back to the kitchen.
"I see you guys are having fun." Nicki said with a lot of sarcasm which Drake obviously didn't caught onto.
"We are, come here, Neb was telling the story of how I fell when.." Nicki rolled her eyes not even listening as she faked a smile and went to take a seat on Drake's lap." Being there in Nebby's presence was the last thing she wanted but at least that way she was there and marking her territory, she felt like she was being childish but doing it but, it was all she could do. She needed to make sure she still had her place, because seeing them acting like the perfect reunited family made her feel like she didn't and it was the scariest and most hurtful thought that ever crossed her mind.
"It's too soon Aubrey !" Nicki argued but Drake wasn't listening.
"It's not, you're just worried for no reason, she has been coming here to see them every day for three weeks. I think they know her well enough, besides how are they suppose to really bound with her if we're always in the corner ?" Drake tried to convince Nicki.
"Let's just push it back to next week, please." Nicki pleaded, Zineb had asked Drake if she could take the twins out for the day and Drake had agreed, considering that they knew her well enough and had have enough time to adjust to this new relationship.
"We're going back to New York in a month, it's the only time they got to spend with her , you know how time flies." Drake explained his point of view.
"Who's fault," Nicki mumbled and walked to the bed and laid down under the covers.
"What's wrong ?" Drake asked laying down next to her.
"I'm telling you I don't trust her, you want to let her take my babies out and have them spend the night at hers and I am not OK with it." Nicki expressed how she felt. She had a bad feeling about this, she didn't want to let them go, normally she'd just pin it on her skeptical and pessimist nature but this time her guts were telling her not to trust Zineb on this.
"Nika, you're just in your feelings because of your little disagreement with her that's it."
"Little disagreement ? She cut his hair Drake, she cut all of his hair without consulting you or even me, I can't believe Courtne let her do that." Nicki spoke crossing her arms over her chest as she sat up on the bed.
"It's just hair it will grow back." Drake laughed at her.
"Still, she should have asked and then she walks in here and asks me to stay in my lane, she said I had no say in this. She is really starting to get on my damn nerves with this whole, 'It's between Aubrey and I, you're just the baby sitter thing.' " Nicki said mocking Nebby's voice.
"Well, technically you are the nanny so..." Drake said just to mess with Nicki but she wasn't in the mood for jokes after her encounter with Nebby hours ago.
"Really ?" Nicki shot Drake a death glare.
"No, but what I'm saying is that you are not being totally objective right now, you're letting your little beef with her cloud your opinion, she did good for now, she never messed up with then, not once. She deserves a shot."
"You're taking her defense now ?"
"Not taking her defense, just stating facts, and I know you would have said the same if your pride wasn't in the way."
"It's not my pride that's in the way, it's her attitude. Look I'm not changing sides nor am I backing up or anything, I know I'm the one who pushed you to get in this but I don't like where this is going, she keeps disrespecting me and you let her do. It needs to stop." Nicki finally let out and Drake frowned.
"I didn't know it was that big of deal to you." Drake shrugged.
"I didn't want to be the spoilsport so I kept it all in but its really hurtful, she disrespects me and you see and hear it but you don't say anything. It's already hard enough to see the kids get attached to her and forget all about me." Nicki spoke lowly , she felt like she was just being a cry baby right then but all these bottled up feelings had to come out.
"Ok, first of all, no one is forgetting all about you. You know just how much these kids love you. They could never forget you or stop loving, no one can make that happen, not even her. And I never knew you felt so disrespected but now that I know I'll talk to her. It's all going to be alright. Ok ?"
"Are they still spending the night at hers ?"
"Yes they are." Drake affirmed.
"I don't want them to, this is the one only thing I ask. Just a week. I'm not feeling it." Nicki pleaded with him, she knew it sounded like it was just whim and she felt bad for being like that, but she just didn't want to let them go even if it was only 24hours total, besides her bad feeling, she knew she just wasn't ready.
"Nika, we're not doing this again. You have to put your personal difference with her to the side."
"Which I've been doing for three weeks Aubrey !" Nicki exclaimed.
"I've put up with the side-eyes the death glares , I've put up with the way she talks to me, every time she comes here when you aren't around I got a cutting remark, a reminder of how she's their mother and not me, how they love her more then they love me, how my opinion doesn't matter because I'm just the nanny, how you are on the same page with her. I put up with that, and with you sitting there laughing with her, reminiscing with her, kissing her. I've been putting up with all of it for three weeks and I haven't said a thing. Now all I am asking is this one thing and some damn respect !"
"Oh, so you are telling me that you don't want them to go over there because you're jealous ? That's what it is , you're jealous ?" Drake inquired not fully understanding how Nicki felt.
"Are you even listening to me Aubrey ?!"
"Yes I am. You're jealous because you feel as if I was getting closer to her but it's really just me being cordial, and you think the kids are getting attached to her to the point were they don't care about you but once again it's all in your head. I honestly think you have too much time to think. You should find something to do. I don't know do yoga or buy a dog." Drake shrugged. Nicki was dumbfounded, how could he shrug her off like that, she was explaining to him how she really felt and all he had to suggest was for her to do yoga and buy a dog. Drake still wasn't grasping how strongly she felt. He didn't understand why she would feel that way. In his eyes he had done nothing that could make her feel that way, he thought of it as insecurities which he didn't know how to deal with given that he didn't know Nicki to have any for the simple reason that she hid them perfectly.
"How are you going to dismiss my feelings like that ? I'm telling you how I feel and all you do is brush my feelings under the rag and advise me to do yoga and buy a dog ? A dog Aubrey really ?" Nicki nearly shouted getting up from the bed.
"I didn't mean it like that Nika, listen I..."
"I've been listening for long enough." Nicki said walking away.
"Where are you going ?" Drake asked getting up from the bed a his turn and following her. He got no answer other than the door slamming in his face. He thought about going after her but figured it would be no use, she was already pissed at him and with how clumsy he was talking to her right now wouldn't make it any better. He went to bed hoping that the night apart would be enough for her to calm down and that she'd be in the mood to talk the next morning.
See I was writing to update Not So Different but then I thought about I Want You and god I missed writing that story so yeah double update I guess !
Please, leave a comment and tell me what you think about both and what you think will happen or what what you want to happen.
Thanks for your comments on the previous posts and for reading me.
Mucho Love Xoxox